52...

I've had TIME to SAVOR it...
Yes...It Happened...
What you might ask?

At 4:54 p.m.,on August 19th...

I Gracefully, turned... 52 years old!
(It is by His Grace, that I did!)

Is 52 one of those MILESTONE years to CELEBRATE?

For Instance...

The way you CELEBRATE when you turn...

21...30...or the "BIG" 50?

NO...It's NOT!

But when you are a Breast Cancer SURVIVOR...

EVERY Birthday thereafter...
IS a MILESTONE!
EVERY Birthday is a REASON...
To CELEBRATE!

"It's my Birthday...It's my Birthday...
Going to PARTY...Like it's my Birthday..."

Now, That I've gotten that OFF my chest...

I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer at age 49.

Because of God's GRACE...
I CONTINUE to LIVE...
BEYOND my intial diagnosis.

And, I have an OBLIGATION...

To LIVE...
For ALL the Women...
Who DIDN'T!

Before my Diagnosis...

Birthdays?...

Were NO big deal!

But...50?

Was going to be CELEBRATED...With a "BANG"!

ALL the "Bells, and Whistles"...

I was planning a TRIP...Of a LIFETIME!

But, God had made, "other" plans for my life.

I spent my FIFTIETH Birthday...

RECOVERING...

From my FOURTH Round of Chemotherapy.
(NOT quite the TRIP, I had in mind!)

My daughter TRIED, to take me to Dinner.
She wanted SO BADLY for me to MARK the occasion.

Do I really need to tell you how that TURNED out?

So... My 52nd?

Was spent with GOOD Friends...
And, "Killa" Margarita's!

After All...

I've got some CATCHING up to do!

My youngest Sister, Nannette...

To commerate the occasion...

Sent me a card EVERYDAY,

Leading up to my Birthday.

What a BLESSING...

For her to CELEBRATE...ME.

CELEBRATE...My LIFE.

To CELEBRATE...My TRIUMPH...

Over CANCER!

My FAVORITE...Of  all the cards she sent, said...

"To HELL with what ANYONE thinks about it.
The ONLY person you have to answer to,satisfy,
Is YOU!"

I BELIEVE...

I've just FOUND my NEW Philosophy...For LIFE!

Until Next Time...

Enjoy Life While You Have It!
"Go,eat your bread with JOY,
And, DRINK your wine with a MERRY heart!"
Ecclesiastes 9:7

"Also do not take to HEART everything people say..."
Ecclesiastes 7:21

It Is Written...
And, SO IT IS!

On This Journey...

I've met so Many INCREDIBLE Women,
On THIS Journey.
I LOVE Them ALL like Sisters.

We are ALL part of a UNIQUE...
"Pink" Sisterhood.
Membership INTO this Community...

You're CHOSEN.
You DON'T get to APPLY...
The FEE...

Until you've "passed" this way,
You DON'T...
You CAN'T...

Understand how we STRUGGLE...
To get our LIVES...Back on Track.
To just LIVE afterwards.

SOME of Us...

Have Families that...
ADD "Stress"..."Strive"...
To OUR Lives.
While we TRY to HEAL.

SOME of Us...

Have Spouses, Boyfriends, Partners...
That have "abandoned" Us,
Because of THIS Disease.
(Too MUCH for them to Handle...Really?)

SOME of Us...

Have Children that DISOBEY...
BILLS that go UNPAID.
While we FIGHT to ...
Beat the Breast Cancer in OUR Bodies.

You DEAL with ALL This...
In ADDITION to TRYING to "Reclaim"...
Your Life.
(And, you thought the HARDEST Challenge was the Disease!)

Until you've WALKED...
In OUR Shoes...

Unless you've "passed" this way...
You DON'T...
You CAN'T...

Understand HOW Breast Cancer,
This Disease.
Leaves SCARS...
That will take a LIFETIME...
To HEAL.

SOME of Us...

Have had YEARS of Remission...

We CONSTANTLY...Pray...Pray...Pray!

Then the UNTHINKABLE Happens...

The CANCER...Returns!

Unless you've "passed" this way...
You DON'T...
You CAN'T...

PLEASE Pray for ONE of My Sisters!

Until Next Time...

"For you have ARMED me with STRENGTH for the BATTLE"...
2 Samuel 22:40

For By His Grace...

There are times in EACH of OUR Lives,
Whether you've been DIAGNOSED,
With Breast Cancer...

OR...

Some other "Life Changing" Event...

That once it's ALL over,
(The treatment at least!)

Your LIFE returns to NORMAL...
(Or a reasonable facsimile of!)

And, due to the NEW challenges,
You Face...

Whether it's a RESULT of Treatment...
Lingering "side effects".

There ARE days when you begin...
To feel "SORRY", for "Poor Me".

But, on THOSE days...

The Lord ALWAYS tells me to...

LOOK AROUND...

And, on one occasion I saw a woman, "struggling"...
To walk, from a Stroke...

A man whose BLIND...Attempting...
To "navigate" his way across the street...

And, "Poor Me"...
REALIZED...
That ONLY by His GRACE...
Go I!

I HAD Breast Cancer.
My LIFE has CHANGED.
There ARE Differences...
I've HAD to ADJUST to.

And, YES ...
If I ALLOWED it...
Feeling "sorry" for Myself...
COULD become as ROUTINE as Breathing.

Then I LOOK UP...

See a Homeless Man..."Asking" for Change...
Living from Hand to Mouth...
And, AGAIN...I Realize...
That ONLY by His GRACE...
Go I!

I HAD Breast Cancer.

My LIFE has CHANGED.
But, I CONTINUE to SURVIVE.
I CONTINUE to THRIVE.

And, AGAIN I Realize...

I AM THANKFUL...Because...
ONLY by His GRACE...

Go I!

Until Next Time...

"For by GRACE you have been SAVED through FAITH,
and that NOT of YOURSELVES; it is the GIFT Of GOD"...
Ephesians 2:8

Out Of The Ashes...

I have a group of "Sistahs"...
ALL Breast Cancer Survivors.
We are 20 or more STRONG!

Knowing them...
Has HELPED to preserve my Sanity!

To have a SUPPORT System of STRONG,
INDEPENDENT WOMEN...

Who just like ME...

Have ENDURED the UNIMAGINABLE.

Able to STAND...

LOOK Cancer right in the FACE...

And, PROCLAIM...

"You've given me your WORST"...

"But, I'm...STRONGER...BETTER"...

"You DID NOT WIN!"

Now "ARMED",

With a Network of STRENGTH behind me,

That IF I Falter...

Sharing OUR Stories...OUR Talents...

We EACH Individually have SO much to OFFER.

To be ABLE to..."Lay your BURDENS down".

Without FEAR...No Judgement!

We've SHARED ...

Triumphs...Tragedy...

In an effort to HEAL each other.

This "Sisterhood" has made my Breast Cancer Journey...

A Journey of EPIC Proportions!

MONUMENTAL Discovery.

That from OUR collective Sacrifices...

Out of those ASHES...

A PHEONIX...Has EMERGED!

OUR Circle...
(Those "rams" in the bush the Lord has provided for me!)

Keeps  GROWING...Keeps TEACHING...

Keeps REMINDING Me...

That no matter what I've been through...

What I've LOST...

I'm STILL WHOLE...

All I have to do is LOOK at my "Sistahs"...

That SURROUND Me...

Until Next Time...

"Which you do well to heed as a LIGHT that SHINES in a DARK place."
2 Peter 1:19

After All...

"I Get So Emotional Baby"...Whitney Houston

Help Me!

Lately...
I "cry" watching TV,
I "cry" during the News.
I even "cried" because I've been crying...

Menopause? NO!
Depressed? NO!

The "Floodgates" have just OPENED...
(And, I don't know...WHY!)

So, quite naturally...

It made me wonder...

Could it be that I turn 52 next month?
The whole "older"..."wiser"...More in touch...
Or...
Could it be because of my Journey with...
Through...Breast Cancer?
(I am GRATEFUL...For the things that HE has done!)

Or...
Is it from just, "Letting Go"...

Did I tell you?

I made decision... A LITTLE WHILE AGO...

If it DOESN'T "enhance" My Life...
LET IT GO!

If I've tried...And, Tried...AND, TRIED...
Yet, EVERYTIME...I end up...At the SAME place.
LET IT GO!

If ANGER...HURT...UNFORGIVENESS...Abounds...
LET IT GO!
(Love IS the Answer...To EVERYTHING!)

Try This...

"You made me mad!"...Love You!
"You DID...Such and Such!"...Love You!
"I'll NEVER forgive you!"...Love You!

And, if that DOESN'T work...
LET IT GO!

Life is fleeting!

You know what?

I guess my "tears" are a reminder.

THAT I'M STILL HERE!

I'M STILL STANDING!

After ALL Ive been through...

Until Next Time...

"Didn't You Know You Have To Cry Sometime?"...Smokey Robinson

About THIS Life...

No one KNOWS...
What LIFE has in store for them.
That's what's GREAT...
And, NOT so Great...
About this Life!

Since Treatment...

When I wake...
My BODY often says, "NO!"
But, my SPIRIT...
SCREAMS..."YES"...
We CAN do this!

Everyday...

You anticipate the Challenges...
While all along PRAYING...
It will go smoothly...

No SURPRISES...Right?

If someone would have told me...
While I was "running" all over Hyde Park,
During my adolescence...
Barefoot...Afro Puffs...

That I would be diagnosed with...
Breast Cancer?

Well...

Let me tell you a story.

During my Sophmore year in High School,
I had the "smallest" breasts in Gym Class.
Can you imagine walking into the Locker Room,
Sporting a "Love Is"...
One step up from a Training bra...Bra?

You can imagine the teasing...Relentless!

But, my come back line...

"At this size...Mine will "always" be perky!"
(That's what I said to MYSELF!)
It was High School...STILL hadn't found my "voice!"

Both my Sisters...Double D's...

I have ALWAYS been "surrounded" by breasts...

LARGER than mine!

More "accurately"...ECLIPSED Mine!

I...Who have "nothing" to spare...

Breast Cancer?

You've got to be kidding!
(There's that LIFE...Great...Not so Great again!)

So, it "took" what little I had to offer!

It's been almost 3 years...

Have I moved PAST it?

I ASK myself that...OFTEN!

My Answer:

Not exactly...

But, I've LEARNED,

To "navigate" around it...

Quite CLEVERLY...I must say!

You just don't REALIZE...Going in,
(Just like a BAD Relationship)
There will always be some SCARS.

Is my Life filled with a GREATER uncertainty,
Since being diagnosed with Breast Cancer?

Maybe...

Will there ALWAYS be Doctors Visits...
Quarterly "Cancer" Screenings...
That "nagging" feeling this pain...
That "what" is that on my body?
I didn't NOTICE it yesterday...
Could be Can---?

Of Course!

But...

Because of who HE is...
Because of the HEALING...
That CONTINUES to take place...
In both BODY...And, SPIRIT.

Yes...
(Deep Breath!)

I WILL CONTINUE TO TRUST YOU LORD!

"Oh, Lord my God, I CRIED out to You,
And, You HEALED me"...Psalms 30:2

Until Next Time...

You "ALWAYS" Were A BLACK QUEEN...

Just the other day...
While driving down Lake Shore Drive...

I heard Tupac Shakur's, "Dear Mama".

I lost my Mother in September of 2007...
She succumbed to Cancer on the 25th.

"A day I'll ALWAYS remember"...
"Because that was the day"...
(LOVE those Temptations!)

My youngest Sister, Nannette and I,
Spent the last 15 months of her LIFE...

Caring for her...Loving Her!

During that time,
My Mom, and I would DISCUSS...
EVERYTHING!

I wanted to hear MORE about her Childhood,
MORE about her LIFE...
I just wanted MORE!

I KNEW that those conversations...
Would have to last a LIFETIME!

The USUAL lines...
Between MOTHER and DAUGHTER...
Began to "blur".

Our relationship "transitioned",
To WISDOM... (That would be Her!)
Continuing to "impart" WISDOM...
To her FIRSTBORN....(That would be Me!)

But,
When I think about it...
That's how it ALWAYS was!
(I guess NOW I Really learned To LISTEN!)

She ALWAYS had SO MUCH...
To GIVE...
To TEACH!

And, I STILL had SO MUCH to LEARN!

As I watched her ENDURE...
Chemotherapy...Radiation...
Multiple Hospitalizations...
Her SUFFERING...
Near The End...
(Just BROKE my HEART in TWO!)

I wouldn't KNOW...

Until 3 years LATER,

When I was DIAGNOSED...

With Breast Cancer.

That God had "allowed" me...To WITNESS...

Her GRACE...Her HUMILITY...Her MAJESTY...

As she "struggled"...

Just...To...Breathe!
(He was PREPARING Me!)

As her LIFE ...
Was "slipping" away...
She joined us at her bedside...
While we sang,"I'm on the Battlefield for MY LORD"...

WHO...Among Us?
Could STILL Praise God...
While "fighting" for EACH BREATH!

My Mother In DEATH...
LED me to LIFE...
During My Breast Cancer Journey.
(I TOLD you! She STILL had SO MUCH to GIVE!)

"Just the THOUGHT of YOU"...
(Natalie Cole "sings" it Best!")

Brings Smiles...Laughter, and YES...Tears!
"And...I FORGET to Do"...

My Memories of Her...

That "Phenomenal Woman"
(The Original!)

I was BLESSED...
To Call...Mom.

Has a Place in My Heart...
Only She CAN occupy!

Why Do I Write This Blog?

Because she ALWAYS believed I could!

Why Do I Love My Daughter...My Family?

Because she CONSISTENTLY demonstrated...

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!

How Did I SURVIVE Breast Cancer?

I JUST Followed... HER Example...

"I'm On The Battlefield For My Lord"....

Until Next Time...

"I'll ALWAYS...LOVE YOU, MA"...

Robbie Watson Banks Cannady...