All Hail The Conqueror...

I was driving down I 290 this morning,
After finishing a LONG shift.

I looked up...

I don't KNOW why,
I hadn't seen it before...
I've driven this way home,
MORE times than I can remember.

And, what did I see?
A HUGE BILLBOARD...

It Read...

CANCER...DOESN'T FIGHT FAIR!

There were tears in my eyes, as I read those words...

Don't Worry!

Not those "heaving"...
"Snot" producing...
"Gut" wrenching...

"In the MIDST of it ALL"...

Sobs...

They were tears of...Rememberance
Of Triumph!

Cancer...Fair?
An oxymoron...If EVER I heard one!

You have to EXCUSE me...

I STILL get a little emotional...at times!
That word, "Cancer"...Is a LIFE changing event...

In a Families Story...

A friend told me this morning...
Another "sister" just received her diagnosis.

It's HEARTBREAKING...
Because I know...ALL too well,
What LIES ahead...For her.

Cancer...

Keeps starting battles,
Even "renewing" a few...
But, NEVER fear!
Christ is STILL winning the War!

ALL HAIL THE CONQUEROR...Jesus Christ!

Until Next Time...

2014...

You hear ALL this talk,
About the future...
What we will be eating...
Wearing...
Driving...
What we will be watching...Enough!

ALL I can think about the future...
Begins with the year 2014...

WHY?
You ask is that important...

Well...
In 2014,
I WILL be a 5 year Breast Cancer Survivor...

OKAY...
You say...What is the significance of 5 years?

Well,
I'll let you in on a secret...

If...(In my case,when!)
You go 5 years...and, the Cancer doesn't return.
You're considered "cured"!

So, like Prince did in 1999...
I'm gonna' "celebrate" like that in...2014!

Although, I'm not too sure...
I'll do it in all that glitter...
(ONLY Prince...can get away with that!)

As Cancer patients...
We Realize...
That EVERY day is...
A Miracle!

I KNOW this...
But...
In the "back" of every Cancer patients mind...

Will it return?
Will I get Cancer...Somewhere else?


That's why..."Hitting" that MAGIC number 5...
Will offer...Some...Relief!

Reaching that goal...
Is why we continue on.

Only two years left...
Until I reach....5 years!

Keep your fingers crossed,
Say a Prayer...
Petition God on my behalf.

I can USE them all!

Because...In 2014...
I WILL be "celebrating"...
Like it's 1999!
(That was a GOOD year!)

Until Next Time...

Wednesday Mornings...

Yes, I've been again...

It's the day AFTER my Tuesday visit,
With my Plastic Surgeon.

I have GOOD news...
And, BAD news...

Well, you already KNOW,
The one constant...
This CHEST discomfort!

I have SO much FLUID in the expanders...
I FEEL like a HOT AIR balloon.
If I DON'T keep my feet,

FIRMLY...

Planted on the ground...

It's...
Up, Up, and...Awaaaaay I'll go...

Now,
The BAD news...

I told you before,
I have 2 more Surgeries to go...
Well, now it's 3!

It seems my left side,
Where the Cancer originated...
Has decided NOW is the time to STOP,

Cooperating!
(It feels as if a revolt is brewing...)

So...
They have to "re-enforce" the skin,
That the Radiation Treatments,

BURNED/FRIED/BAKED/COOKED...

You, pick one!

It's that...
Or the "implants" will "erode",
Through the skin.
(Straight out of my Doctor's mouth!)

New Schedule...
Skin Repair...Then implants!

Now, I'm looking at breasts...
For Christmas.
Thank You, Santa!
(I've been a GOOD girl SO far this year...)

I have LEARNED to just take it all in stride!
ALL of it!

NO MORE hysterics!
(At least NOT today!)

But...
Pain...Discomfort...
Setbacks, aside.
Once it's ALL over...

I'll "really" feel...
Like a WOMAN again...

You CAN'T put a price tag on that!

Normalcy...Here I come!

Until Next Time...

Let Me Explain...

I was at the Wake,
Last week...
Of a Former Classmate.

You Know...
Where you run into "everyone" you knew,
From High School...(Mean girls included!)

Some of us...
Are not "exactly" the people they were,
In High School...

And, for some...That's a good thing,
For others...I'll let you draw your own conclusions...

I'm very "open" about my Breast Cancer.
No, I don't walk up, shake your hand...
And, say...Tonya Hackney...Breast Cancer Survivor.

But, I live in the SAME neighborhood I grew up in,
The truth is...People TALK!

So, alot of people have heard...
Many know it "ain't" idle gossip!

A classmate, while we were "catching" up,
Said to me,"I've NEVER known ANYONE fighting...
Something like that...Breast Cancer".

I thought about it...(I try to do that before speaking!)
And, the SAME would have been TRUE of me,
A few years ago...
Before...Breast Cancer became,
A part of...My Life!

I said, "I'm fine"...
That the "worst" is over.
I just do this "little" shot thing monthly.
Trying to minimize "his" discomfort.

I could sense that he didn't know...
Just, didn't know WHAT to say.

So, I said," Let me explain"...

I AM THE FACE OF BREAST CANCER...

It's not because I've been GOOD or BAD...

It's not because I DIDN'T take care of myself...

It's not because I didn't PRAY enough,

LOVE God enough...

It just...IS...

And...It can happen to...
ANYONE!

So, now that YOU know...

Use that KNOWLEDGE to...
Donate...
On my behalf...(Run, Walk, Sponsor!)

Give a PRAISE Report at your Church...
Since you now know someone affected by it...

And, that's CONQUERED IT!

Realize...It's CLOSER then you think...

But, be grateful...

IT'SNOTTHISCLOSE...

I heard an audible sigh...

Until Next Time...

Remembering...

I was watching TV last night,
And...One of those "cancer" commercials...
"Appeared"...

I'm STILL(almost 3 years later!)...
Affected by that word...

Cancer...

FEWER Doctor appointments...
NO more Emergency Room visits...Thank God!
(I was going to ask them for frequent "visitor" miles!)
Looking, and feeling as GREAT as I do.

You can forget...

Being a part of a group,
And, not the "focus" of that group
Because you're ill..."Are you okay"?

You can forget...

Out shopping with my daughter,
Going out to have lunch together.
Just ENJOYING the company...
Of friends...Loved ones...

You can forget...

Being back at work...
Paying Bills...
Just RESUMING the NORMAL Activities,
Of Daily Living...


You can forget...

So...
I was watching TV last night...
Then one of those "cancer" commercials,
"Appeared"
And...3 years later,

I STILL...

Can hear it...
The sound of the footsteps...
Coming into the Exam Room...

The Doctor saying,

"Ms. Hackney, YOU have BREAST CANCER"

Then it ALL went BLACK...

There are SOME things,
We can NEVER forget...
No matter how HARD you try...

I guess that's what motivates us to continue the "FIGHT"!

Until Next Time...

Life Is..."BEAUTIFUL"!

It's Funny...
When you are "slapped", in the face,
With your OWN mortality.

And,

Somehow,
You MAKE it through.

You feel " blessed",
Fortunate...
To come out on the other side.
(Many don't!)

You realize...

Life Is..."BEAUTIFUL"!

ALL the sights, and sounds of it,
Are like a brillant, "concerto".

The movements...The lyrics,
Composed just for...Me!

Things you take for GRANTED,

Like...

The intricacy of a flower,
The rising, and setting of the sun.
Became for me...

As impressive, as any painting by the Masters.

Mona Lisa...You're on notice!

Just to be ALLOWED...
To WAKE each day.

Calls for a "CELEBRATION"!

Life Is..."BEAUTIFUL"!

I'm...EXUBERANT!
I'm...ECSTATIC!

Being ALIVE is such a treat!

At least from this side of the Aisle...

Until Next Time...

God's Canvas...

Since becoming Cancer Free,
I feel like a blank canvas...
You know...
That moment,
Right before...An Artist decides,
Just what to create on it...

When there are THOUSANDS of ideas,
In his head...

He closes his eyes...
Listens to that "inner" voice,
That will give him insight,
An idea...A hint,
Of what...
That piece will eventually,
Become.

My Artist...Jesus.

He has restored my health,
I've been given,
Life! (His Grace, and Mercy...)

I am...His...
Blank canvas.

Father...
Create  in me,
What you will...

With each "stroke" of His brush,
My healing takes place,
Mind... Body...
Heart...And, Soul.

Each color He paints...

Pink, For my Breast Cancer Survivorship.

Purple, Because I AM the offspring...
Of a King!

Blue, and White..
For the skies... I revel in...
Every morning...I wake.
AFTER...Breast Cancer!

My Purpose,
The "Masterpiece" ...
He is creating within me,
Comes into, "sharper" view,
With EVERY brush stroke...He takes.

There are NO limits...

To what...He CAN do!

"For I know the plans I have for you..."

I wait patiently,
To see His finished canvas...

"To give you a FUTURE, and HOPE"...

Until Next Time...

My Hope...

I'm sure I've mentioned it before...
But, each month,
I receive, an injection of a drug called Zolvadex.
It helps with the specific type of Breast Cancer,
I was diagnosed with.
Yes! There are types!
I was HER 2 Positive,
I have friends...
Who were Triple Negative,
ER Positive...You get the picture!

This Cancer "stuff",
Is like learning a WHOLE new language.

So,
I was in OIS,(Outpatient Infusion Services) Wednesday,
(Another "teachable" moment...)
I receive my injection, where I was given Chemotherapy.

The Nurses know I LOVE to talk.
(I have the GIFT of "gab"-no less!)
And, they wanted me to meet,
Two "new" Breast Cancer patients,
That had JUST begun Chemotherapy,
THAT DAY.

I remembered...
My very FIRST time...

My sister, Stephanie "ALWAYS" accompanied me,
To MY treatments.

I thought back...
How I "BOLDLY" took the elevator to the 10th floor.
And, "stepped" into the UNKNOWN...
It was February 25th...2010.
You will NEVER forget that FIRST time...

Full of "Hope"...I wanted to live!
Full of "Fear"...Because it wouldn't be easy!

I did...And, it wasn't!

What I wanted them BOTH to KNOW...
You WILL OVERCOME this disease!

It's funny...
One of them said,"You look good. You smell good".
I laughed...I said, "Girl...This IS what Cancer looks like AFTER".
You make it through...

Then I realized...
She thought...She didn't know...
WHAT Cancer "looked" like "AFTER"
She didn't KNOW,
What would remain...

An, OMG! Moment for me...

1 in 8 Women,
Get diagnosed with this disease.
So, it's VERY likely,
That in YOUR lifetime...
You WILL know,
SOMEONE affected by Breast Cancer.

My Hope...To put an END to this disease...

To "borrow" a line from Dr. King...

"I Have A Dream"...
That "ONE DAY" we WILL live,
In a world "FREE"...of Breast Cancer.
This is "MY" Hope.

I've been to the Mountaintop...
I've seen the Promised Land...
I may not go there with you...

Until Next Time...

Because You're Worth It...

Wednesday Morning...
The day after my visit to the Plastic Surgeon.
Sleep, escapes me the night my breasts are expanded
EVERY way I turn at night,
It feels as if I'm laying on a melon!
Oh, Yes...
These breasts are ready...To..." POP"!

For those of you...Who haven't,
Who don't understand...
Let me provide some CLARITY....

When the Doctor added fluid to my expanders yesterday,
I heard that fluid say, "It's CROWDED in here"...
(Yes, I heard it!)

So...
Not ONLY does it occupy my breasts, but it spreads...
ABOVE...AROUND, And, UNDER my armpits.
I feel like a football player,
Suited up for the "Big" game...
HIKE...hike...hike!

No, pity Ladies...(Well a "little" wouldn't hurt!)
I wanted my breasts back!
I just didn't realize...
Reconstruction, required SO MUCH construction!

On the Bright Side...
I've expanded enough, and I have cleavage!
Hell, I didn't have cleavage before.
"Everythings coming up Roses"! (Sing along with me!)

As I sip my morning coffee,
And, as I watch a little TV...

Shortness of breath aside...(My breasts are sooo tight!)
I'm on my way...

I'll have a brand new pair...By summer.
When you see them, (Yes, they WILL be on FULL display!)

Maybe you'll wonder if ALL this was worth it...
My Answer...
A resounding...YES!
Why?
Because I'm WORTH it! (We all are, Ladies!)

Until Next Time...

TIME...

When you are diagnosed with Breast Cancer,
TIME...Comes into sharper view...
"I didn't do", " I didn't say",
"I haven't seen"...

Faced with this diagnosis,
You REALIZE all that you haven't,
Made the "time" to do.

As humans,
We know we have ONLY so much of it,
Allotted on this Earth.
Yet, we "rush" through Life
As, if we're guaranteed immortality.
Just not thinking...

But, when you're diagnosed...
Time, suddenly means EVERYTHING!

I prayed...

Father, "LET me LIVE to see my daughter marry"
"Let me LIVE to one day, see my grandchildren"
"Let me LIVE ...My daughter gets her degree next Spring".
"I'm  not READY to LEAVE my Family".

You realize...
That "pretense" of control-Was just that!

So, I, "Put on the whole armor of God"...
Then I BRACED myself for the FIGHT!

Round 1...Surgery, Round 2...Chemotherapy,
Round 3...Radiation,
The Winner, by a "knockout" of Cancer...
The Breast Cancer Diva, herself!

Two Years Later...
I was so "proud", as my daughter received her degree.
I'm PRESENT...For my Family.
I VALUE time spent with friends...
I've LEARNED to work "just" enough.

My Lesson to You...
Don't let it take Breast Cancer,
Or some "horrific" incident,
For you to realize...
You should LIVE...

Now, I "DO", I "SAY"...
No, Regrets...
Because "time" is such a valuable commodity,
I don't waste a minute of it...

My beautiful daughter...Lord, (I'm STILL waiting!)
Let, me LIVE to see her marry.
I'm holding out for a Prince-No Less!(A mother can dream,right?)
Keep your fingers "crossed" for me...

Until Next Time...

A Mother's Wish...

I grew up in the 60's...
A time when children remained INNOCENT,
Until they were ADULTS.

My Mom, raised me with the belief....
Finish School...Marry a "Prince"
And, you will live, "Happily Ever After"
(Cue, Anita Bakers, "Fairytales"!)

A WISH that many Mothers, and Parents
STILL...Want for their children. (Me included!)

Since being diagnosed with Breast Cancer,
I thought...Happily Ever After...
AFTER Breast Cancer?

Ladies...It's not only Possible...
I'M LIVING IT!

Two years, and counting...Cancer Free!
Feels like a "happy" beginning to me...

The Love and Support of some "Incredible",
"Sisters In Pink", I've met along the way...
The word "happy" just springs to mind...
Whenever I think of them.

Volunteering...Being a "light" to those
Who "one day" may have to travel this very road...
I am "happy", To make another sisters...burden, just a little lighter...

Feeling like the "old" me...
With "new" parts...A "closer" walk with Thee,
My new intimacy with God...Makes me "happy"!

Waking each NEW day...
With a sense of "true" Purpose,
Praying that NO woman...Is left behind.
That they realize...They are NOW, Part of a Community
That EDUCATES it's own
From DIAGNOSIS to TREATMENT,
And, RECOVERY...

Mom...
Your wish for my "Happiness"
Realized...
( Although, that "Prince" hasn't rode in on his White Horse...Just yet!)

"I remember stories, those things my Momma said...She told me fairytales,
before I went to bed"...

Until Next Time...

Just Ask...

I must confess...
I've not always "chosen",
To be the "best" person I could be.

Pride...Arrogance...Defending misconceptions,
Due to the color of my skin...
Pick one! Pick them all!
I always found it necessary-to confront EVERY slight
EVERY afront...
That CAN become exhausting...

So, when I was diagnosed...
I thought my past behaviors could be to blame.
Yes, you TRY to figure out, "Why"?
I want to be honest with you...
Isn't that how you help another?

Who had I hurt so badly?
Who didn't I love as much as I should have...
Who didn't I help?
Lord...What?

You quickly realize...
It's not what...
It just is...(for your own peace of mind, believe me!)

Then, I wondered...
How could I ask God to do such a BIG thing...
Heal Me! Heal Me...Lord,
When I wasn't ALWAYS obedient...
When I DIDN'T always choose to do...
What Jesus would do.

Then the words of a song came to my heart...
Amazing GRACE, How sweet the sound,
That SAVED a wretch like ME...

Those words reminded me,
He's a God of Second, Third, Fourth (you get the picture!)
Chances...
He's a God who WILL BLESS us in "spite" of ourselves.
He "chose" to save a wretch like me...

So, don't be afraid...Don't think you're unworthy.

I'm healing...Sinner that I AM!
Physically...Emotionally...
And, all I did was ASK...

Try it...Try Him...
Until Next Time...

Behold...I Will Do A "New" Thing...

By the time I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer in 2009,
My Life, had become so "ordinary"
Same routine...Same conversations...
Same job...Same, EVERYTHING!

I worked... ALL the time!
I often cancelled on my friends...Family...
My excuse..."I'll go NEXT time"!
They "need" me at work!
Not listening...To that "voice" inside of me...

I worked alot, and when I was off (which was hardly ever!)
My daughter, and I would "hangout"...
Shopping...Dinners out...
All the "girl stuff"
Having a daughter brings...

I guess you can say...My Life... was predictable.

I assume at some point,though
That happens to us all...

Then I received the news...Breast Cancer!
My routine...SHATTERED!

We're made to believe, that " Cancer" is a Death Sentence
That Life as you know it...Gone!

And, all along...Through this diagnosis
God, was saying to me, " Behold, I will do a new thing"...

Mind you...That "new" thing, I thought should have been
6 ft. 4in... Caramel Colored...A smile that could, well...
But, God had other plans.

He needed me, to "go forth"...

To tell my " Sisters"...
Things would be different...
But, there is LIFE after...Yes...LIFE!

That "new" thing...Breast Cancer

Was just what I needed...
To be still...
Just long enough...
For God to use me...

Look at me..."I'm a Testimony"...
Oh, Yes...
He has done a "new" thing...

Until Next Time...-

Right Now...I'm Just Fine

As a Breast Cancer Survivor you learn to LIVE in the moment...
I was often told-Take ONE step,
Take ONE day, at a time...
Good Advice...And, with that in mind
I want you all to know...
RIGHT now...I'm just fine

I had an epiphany,
I woke this morning...At Peace

I could tell you of the surgeries, I still have to complete
Or about the side effects from my medication...

Instead...I CHOOSE to focus on,
What's RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME...

I'm Healthy...And, it ONLY took 2 years to get to that!(Patience is a virtue!)
I surround myself with "good" people...
Friends, I enjoy spending time with...
" Sisters"...I can STILL call in the middle of the night...with,
"Oh, God... Girl !..."

I simply woke up this morning...
Immensely grateful!
There are just no words...But, I will try!

How do you, "Thank God"...For ALL He's done?
By remembering...Psalms 34:1" I will bless the Lord at ALL times;
His PRAISE shall be continually in my mouth."

How do you ...express gratitude for His COVERING...
By reciting...Psalm 23:1 "The Lord is MY shepard;
I shall NOT want"...

How do you...Go from...
Health...Breast CANCER...And, BACK to health again...

Because it is written...
Isaiah 53:5..." And by His stripes we ARE healed"...

In case you're still wondering...
Right Now...I'm doing, just fine...

Until Next Time...