The Perfect Storm

God...Has..."ABSOLUTELY"...
Perfect Timing...
Without Question!

I Am...Humbled...

When I look back...And,see...

His Grace...

Throughout...My Journey.

I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer,
In November of 2009.
I had NO Health Insurance
Some money saved...
But, I had NO idea...
How Long...Treatment would last!
My Journey...Would Take!
God LEAD me to two Programs.
That would CHANGE my LIFE.
President Obama HAD a Stimulus Program...
The Homelessness Prevention Recovery Program...HPRP.
That PAID my rent...For a YEAR!
(Thank God for BIG Government!)

I could CONCENTRATE on getting Healthy...
Not "worrying"...
About becoming homeless.
I've told you MANY times,
About the IBCCP Program...
A Federally funded program,
That PAID for ALL my Treatment...
Doctor's Visits...Surgeries...ER Visits....
(I should get frequent "flyer" miles for ALL my visits to the ER!)
It paid for...Chemotherapy...Radiation...
Medications.
Now I call that..
A Perfect "Storm"...of Events.
Why...You say?
Because one of those Programs no longer exists!
And, the OTHER...Has a "waiting" list...

But, God...
Gave me...EVERYTHING...
I needed...

So, I am writing this...

To ENCOURAGE...You!

God Can...
He Will...
Create a "Perfect Storm"...
Of events...In your Life!

Until Next Time...

"If you ask ANYTHING in my name,I WILL do it"...John 14:14

FAMILY...

The "DECK" is already STACKED.
You REALLY don't get to CHOOSE.
Your MOM "bore" you all,
And, you spend your LIFE,
TRYING to "co-exist" with each other.

Sometimes...

With FAMILY...
(Mine Included!)

Although you had NO choice in...
WHO they are...
How many of you there would be.

You are STILL...
Brothers...Sisters...

Sharing...

A Room, A Home...

Parents.

There IS some CHOICE in this equation...

That choice is...LOVE.

And, I CHOOSE to LOVE my Family...

The BEST I know how!

If your Family is ANYTHING like mine...

At Times...
(Believe Me!)

That poses a CHALLENGE!

But, to HONOR my Mother's Memory,

So, her SACRIFICES for US,

Weren't in VAIN.

Because we ATE together...
PLAYED together...
FOUGHT together, and each other.

Had our own "BACKYARD" Softball Team...
We went Rollerskating at the "Y".
Played, "Match Game" in OUR Living Room...
"Hey Elaine! I like your legs! wink...wink!"
(Private Banks Family joke...Can't BEGIN to make you understand!)

Pulled our sleds up the "Big Hill"...
Played Hopscotch...
Poison Box.

And, from CHILDREN...

Became ADULTS together.

Women and Men.
Mothers and Fathers.
Wives and Husbands.

STILL...

Remaining FAMILY.

Through the HIGHS...
And, the LOWS...

Our Individual TRIUMPHS...

The LOSS...

Of our MOTHER...

The "arms" that HELD us ALL.

Because when I Really NEEDED you...

When I thought Breast Cancer would TAKE my LIFE.

YOU...

Were There.

You...

LOVED ME...

LISTENED to me...

HELD me when I heard the words...BREAST...CANCER.

PRAYED over the BLOOD they gave me.

And, were at EVERY Doctor's Appointment,

ER Visit.

Surgery...After...Surgery...

Tear...For...Tear...

My FAMILY...

Has been by my SIDE!

So, I will CONTINUE...

To "choose" to LOVE you ALL...

As long as God Allows.

Until Next Time...

"Love BEARS all things...Love BELIEVES all things...
Love HOPES all things...Love ENDURES all things.
Love NEVER fails..."
1 Corinthians 13:7-8

ROAD TRIP!

Since returning to work,
Money's been a little "tight!"
I've been back full time for a little over a year now.

A year you say?

And, you're STILL PLAYING "CATCH UP?"

Well, I was OFF a little OVER a year.

I rest my case!

IF you haven't been there...

So...

My MODE of travel for Vacation...

ROAD TRIP!

I'm in Alabama for the Labor Day Holiday...

I traveled here with Family.

It ONLY took...10 hours...32 minutes...And, 5 seconds!

The reason I know how long it took....EXACTLY,

In MY car was...My Father...His Girlfriend...

So...I...Along with my car (Although new!)...Has Aged,

At LEAST 20 EXTRA years...

With the "Seniors" in tow!

The "Seniors" packed like we were going for TWO WEEKS...

Instead of the FOUR days...

We're ACTUALLY STAYING!

When I "mentioned" I was hungry while I was driving here...

They had "grits"...Yes, Grits!

Salami...Cheese...Crackers...Fried Chicken Wings...And, Bread.

Water...Tea...And, "cups" of Ice!

ALL of this...

"STORED"...In "plastic" grocery bags!

You "gotta" LOVE...Seniors!

Surprisingly...We "bonded" over music.

I brought ALL the Motown Hits from the 50's & 60's.

My Dad...Who I "affectionately"...Call Poppy,

Brought Anthony Hamilton...R. Kelly...

And, he KNEW...ALL the words!

We laughed...and, sang ALL the way to Alabama!

Anthony Hamilton...R. Kelly?

You could have "knocked" me over with a feather!

Since being diagnosed with Breast Cancer,

MEMORIES...Like this...

The TIME spent with my Family...

Means MORE to me...

Than ALL that OVERTIME money,

I used to "covet".

You Know...

"Life's SIMPLE pleasures ARE the BEST..."

REALLY...Are the BEST...

In ALL the World...

That OLD commercial got it RIGHT!

Until Next Time...

" For EVERY thing...There IS a SEASON"

" A Time to LAUGH...A Time to DANCE..."

Ecclesiastes 3:1-4 (Portions Of!)

52...

I've had TIME to SAVOR it...
Yes...It Happened...
What you might ask?

At 4:54 p.m.,on August 19th...

I Gracefully, turned... 52 years old!
(It is by His Grace, that I did!)

Is 52 one of those MILESTONE years to CELEBRATE?

For Instance...

The way you CELEBRATE when you turn...

21...30...or the "BIG" 50?

NO...It's NOT!

But when you are a Breast Cancer SURVIVOR...

EVERY Birthday thereafter...
IS a MILESTONE!
EVERY Birthday is a REASON...
To CELEBRATE!

"It's my Birthday...It's my Birthday...
Going to PARTY...Like it's my Birthday..."

Now, That I've gotten that OFF my chest...

I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer at age 49.

Because of God's GRACE...
I CONTINUE to LIVE...
BEYOND my intial diagnosis.

And, I have an OBLIGATION...

To LIVE...
For ALL the Women...
Who DIDN'T!

Before my Diagnosis...

Birthdays?...

Were NO big deal!

But...50?

Was going to be CELEBRATED...With a "BANG"!

ALL the "Bells, and Whistles"...

I was planning a TRIP...Of a LIFETIME!

But, God had made, "other" plans for my life.

I spent my FIFTIETH Birthday...

RECOVERING...

From my FOURTH Round of Chemotherapy.
(NOT quite the TRIP, I had in mind!)

My daughter TRIED, to take me to Dinner.
She wanted SO BADLY for me to MARK the occasion.

Do I really need to tell you how that TURNED out?

So... My 52nd?

Was spent with GOOD Friends...
And, "Killa" Margarita's!

After All...

I've got some CATCHING up to do!

My youngest Sister, Nannette...

To commerate the occasion...

Sent me a card EVERYDAY,

Leading up to my Birthday.

What a BLESSING...

For her to CELEBRATE...ME.

CELEBRATE...My LIFE.

To CELEBRATE...My TRIUMPH...

Over CANCER!

My FAVORITE...Of  all the cards she sent, said...

"To HELL with what ANYONE thinks about it.
The ONLY person you have to answer to,satisfy,
Is YOU!"

I BELIEVE...

I've just FOUND my NEW Philosophy...For LIFE!

Until Next Time...

Enjoy Life While You Have It!
"Go,eat your bread with JOY,
And, DRINK your wine with a MERRY heart!"
Ecclesiastes 9:7

"Also do not take to HEART everything people say..."
Ecclesiastes 7:21

It Is Written...
And, SO IT IS!

On This Journey...

I've met so Many INCREDIBLE Women,
On THIS Journey.
I LOVE Them ALL like Sisters.

We are ALL part of a UNIQUE...
"Pink" Sisterhood.
Membership INTO this Community...

You're CHOSEN.
You DON'T get to APPLY...
The FEE...

Until you've "passed" this way,
You DON'T...
You CAN'T...

Understand how we STRUGGLE...
To get our LIVES...Back on Track.
To just LIVE afterwards.

SOME of Us...

Have Families that...
ADD "Stress"..."Strive"...
To OUR Lives.
While we TRY to HEAL.

SOME of Us...

Have Spouses, Boyfriends, Partners...
That have "abandoned" Us,
Because of THIS Disease.
(Too MUCH for them to Handle...Really?)

SOME of Us...

Have Children that DISOBEY...
BILLS that go UNPAID.
While we FIGHT to ...
Beat the Breast Cancer in OUR Bodies.

You DEAL with ALL This...
In ADDITION to TRYING to "Reclaim"...
Your Life.
(And, you thought the HARDEST Challenge was the Disease!)

Until you've WALKED...
In OUR Shoes...

Unless you've "passed" this way...
You DON'T...
You CAN'T...

Understand HOW Breast Cancer,
This Disease.
Leaves SCARS...
That will take a LIFETIME...
To HEAL.

SOME of Us...

Have had YEARS of Remission...

We CONSTANTLY...Pray...Pray...Pray!

Then the UNTHINKABLE Happens...

The CANCER...Returns!

Unless you've "passed" this way...
You DON'T...
You CAN'T...

PLEASE Pray for ONE of My Sisters!

Until Next Time...

"For you have ARMED me with STRENGTH for the BATTLE"...
2 Samuel 22:40

For By His Grace...

There are times in EACH of OUR Lives,
Whether you've been DIAGNOSED,
With Breast Cancer...

OR...

Some other "Life Changing" Event...

That once it's ALL over,
(The treatment at least!)

Your LIFE returns to NORMAL...
(Or a reasonable facsimile of!)

And, due to the NEW challenges,
You Face...

Whether it's a RESULT of Treatment...
Lingering "side effects".

There ARE days when you begin...
To feel "SORRY", for "Poor Me".

But, on THOSE days...

The Lord ALWAYS tells me to...

LOOK AROUND...

And, on one occasion I saw a woman, "struggling"...
To walk, from a Stroke...

A man whose BLIND...Attempting...
To "navigate" his way across the street...

And, "Poor Me"...
REALIZED...
That ONLY by His GRACE...
Go I!

I HAD Breast Cancer.
My LIFE has CHANGED.
There ARE Differences...
I've HAD to ADJUST to.

And, YES ...
If I ALLOWED it...
Feeling "sorry" for Myself...
COULD become as ROUTINE as Breathing.

Then I LOOK UP...

See a Homeless Man..."Asking" for Change...
Living from Hand to Mouth...
And, AGAIN...I Realize...
That ONLY by His GRACE...
Go I!

I HAD Breast Cancer.

My LIFE has CHANGED.
But, I CONTINUE to SURVIVE.
I CONTINUE to THRIVE.

And, AGAIN I Realize...

I AM THANKFUL...Because...
ONLY by His GRACE...

Go I!

Until Next Time...

"For by GRACE you have been SAVED through FAITH,
and that NOT of YOURSELVES; it is the GIFT Of GOD"...
Ephesians 2:8

Out Of The Ashes...

I have a group of "Sistahs"...
ALL Breast Cancer Survivors.
We are 20 or more STRONG!

Knowing them...
Has HELPED to preserve my Sanity!

To have a SUPPORT System of STRONG,
INDEPENDENT WOMEN...

Who just like ME...

Have ENDURED the UNIMAGINABLE.

Able to STAND...

LOOK Cancer right in the FACE...

And, PROCLAIM...

"You've given me your WORST"...

"But, I'm...STRONGER...BETTER"...

"You DID NOT WIN!"

Now "ARMED",

With a Network of STRENGTH behind me,

That IF I Falter...

Sharing OUR Stories...OUR Talents...

We EACH Individually have SO much to OFFER.

To be ABLE to..."Lay your BURDENS down".

Without FEAR...No Judgement!

We've SHARED ...

Triumphs...Tragedy...

In an effort to HEAL each other.

This "Sisterhood" has made my Breast Cancer Journey...

A Journey of EPIC Proportions!

MONUMENTAL Discovery.

That from OUR collective Sacrifices...

Out of those ASHES...

A PHEONIX...Has EMERGED!

OUR Circle...
(Those "rams" in the bush the Lord has provided for me!)

Keeps  GROWING...Keeps TEACHING...

Keeps REMINDING Me...

That no matter what I've been through...

What I've LOST...

I'm STILL WHOLE...

All I have to do is LOOK at my "Sistahs"...

That SURROUND Me...

Until Next Time...

"Which you do well to heed as a LIGHT that SHINES in a DARK place."
2 Peter 1:19

After All...

"I Get So Emotional Baby"...Whitney Houston

Help Me!

Lately...
I "cry" watching TV,
I "cry" during the News.
I even "cried" because I've been crying...

Menopause? NO!
Depressed? NO!

The "Floodgates" have just OPENED...
(And, I don't know...WHY!)

So, quite naturally...

It made me wonder...

Could it be that I turn 52 next month?
The whole "older"..."wiser"...More in touch...
Or...
Could it be because of my Journey with...
Through...Breast Cancer?
(I am GRATEFUL...For the things that HE has done!)

Or...
Is it from just, "Letting Go"...

Did I tell you?

I made decision... A LITTLE WHILE AGO...

If it DOESN'T "enhance" My Life...
LET IT GO!

If I've tried...And, Tried...AND, TRIED...
Yet, EVERYTIME...I end up...At the SAME place.
LET IT GO!

If ANGER...HURT...UNFORGIVENESS...Abounds...
LET IT GO!
(Love IS the Answer...To EVERYTHING!)

Try This...

"You made me mad!"...Love You!
"You DID...Such and Such!"...Love You!
"I'll NEVER forgive you!"...Love You!

And, if that DOESN'T work...
LET IT GO!

Life is fleeting!

You know what?

I guess my "tears" are a reminder.

THAT I'M STILL HERE!

I'M STILL STANDING!

After ALL Ive been through...

Until Next Time...

"Didn't You Know You Have To Cry Sometime?"...Smokey Robinson

About THIS Life...

No one KNOWS...
What LIFE has in store for them.
That's what's GREAT...
And, NOT so Great...
About this Life!

Since Treatment...

When I wake...
My BODY often says, "NO!"
But, my SPIRIT...
SCREAMS..."YES"...
We CAN do this!

Everyday...

You anticipate the Challenges...
While all along PRAYING...
It will go smoothly...

No SURPRISES...Right?

If someone would have told me...
While I was "running" all over Hyde Park,
During my adolescence...
Barefoot...Afro Puffs...

That I would be diagnosed with...
Breast Cancer?

Well...

Let me tell you a story.

During my Sophmore year in High School,
I had the "smallest" breasts in Gym Class.
Can you imagine walking into the Locker Room,
Sporting a "Love Is"...
One step up from a Training bra...Bra?

You can imagine the teasing...Relentless!

But, my come back line...

"At this size...Mine will "always" be perky!"
(That's what I said to MYSELF!)
It was High School...STILL hadn't found my "voice!"

Both my Sisters...Double D's...

I have ALWAYS been "surrounded" by breasts...

LARGER than mine!

More "accurately"...ECLIPSED Mine!

I...Who have "nothing" to spare...

Breast Cancer?

You've got to be kidding!
(There's that LIFE...Great...Not so Great again!)

So, it "took" what little I had to offer!

It's been almost 3 years...

Have I moved PAST it?

I ASK myself that...OFTEN!

My Answer:

Not exactly...

But, I've LEARNED,

To "navigate" around it...

Quite CLEVERLY...I must say!

You just don't REALIZE...Going in,
(Just like a BAD Relationship)
There will always be some SCARS.

Is my Life filled with a GREATER uncertainty,
Since being diagnosed with Breast Cancer?

Maybe...

Will there ALWAYS be Doctors Visits...
Quarterly "Cancer" Screenings...
That "nagging" feeling this pain...
That "what" is that on my body?
I didn't NOTICE it yesterday...
Could be Can---?

Of Course!

But...

Because of who HE is...
Because of the HEALING...
That CONTINUES to take place...
In both BODY...And, SPIRIT.

Yes...
(Deep Breath!)

I WILL CONTINUE TO TRUST YOU LORD!

"Oh, Lord my God, I CRIED out to You,
And, You HEALED me"...Psalms 30:2

Until Next Time...

You "ALWAYS" Were A BLACK QUEEN...

Just the other day...
While driving down Lake Shore Drive...

I heard Tupac Shakur's, "Dear Mama".

I lost my Mother in September of 2007...
She succumbed to Cancer on the 25th.

"A day I'll ALWAYS remember"...
"Because that was the day"...
(LOVE those Temptations!)

My youngest Sister, Nannette and I,
Spent the last 15 months of her LIFE...

Caring for her...Loving Her!

During that time,
My Mom, and I would DISCUSS...
EVERYTHING!

I wanted to hear MORE about her Childhood,
MORE about her LIFE...
I just wanted MORE!

I KNEW that those conversations...
Would have to last a LIFETIME!

The USUAL lines...
Between MOTHER and DAUGHTER...
Began to "blur".

Our relationship "transitioned",
To WISDOM... (That would be Her!)
Continuing to "impart" WISDOM...
To her FIRSTBORN....(That would be Me!)

But,
When I think about it...
That's how it ALWAYS was!
(I guess NOW I Really learned To LISTEN!)

She ALWAYS had SO MUCH...
To GIVE...
To TEACH!

And, I STILL had SO MUCH to LEARN!

As I watched her ENDURE...
Chemotherapy...Radiation...
Multiple Hospitalizations...
Her SUFFERING...
Near The End...
(Just BROKE my HEART in TWO!)

I wouldn't KNOW...

Until 3 years LATER,

When I was DIAGNOSED...

With Breast Cancer.

That God had "allowed" me...To WITNESS...

Her GRACE...Her HUMILITY...Her MAJESTY...

As she "struggled"...

Just...To...Breathe!
(He was PREPARING Me!)

As her LIFE ...
Was "slipping" away...
She joined us at her bedside...
While we sang,"I'm on the Battlefield for MY LORD"...

WHO...Among Us?
Could STILL Praise God...
While "fighting" for EACH BREATH!

My Mother In DEATH...
LED me to LIFE...
During My Breast Cancer Journey.
(I TOLD you! She STILL had SO MUCH to GIVE!)

"Just the THOUGHT of YOU"...
(Natalie Cole "sings" it Best!")

Brings Smiles...Laughter, and YES...Tears!
"And...I FORGET to Do"...

My Memories of Her...

That "Phenomenal Woman"
(The Original!)

I was BLESSED...
To Call...Mom.

Has a Place in My Heart...
Only She CAN occupy!

Why Do I Write This Blog?

Because she ALWAYS believed I could!

Why Do I Love My Daughter...My Family?

Because she CONSISTENTLY demonstrated...

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!

How Did I SURVIVE Breast Cancer?

I JUST Followed... HER Example...

"I'm On The Battlefield For My Lord"....

Until Next Time...

"I'll ALWAYS...LOVE YOU, MA"...

Robbie Watson Banks Cannady...

Okay..."JOY" We're WAITING...

I'm going to "BREAK" a few rules!

I'm a Breast Cancer Survivor...
Many Don't!

I've been GIVEN an "AWESOME" Gift!
Yes...I HAVE!

I "CONTINUE" to be "AMAZED"...
By God's TENDER "Mercies"...
On My Behalf...

BUT...

I'm STILL Tired!!!
(Sssshhh! I "shouldn't" say that TOO LOUD!)

Here's My List:

1) "CHEMO" Fatigue...It's been almost 2 years, already!
2) My Body..."BETRAYS" Me...Every CHANCE IT GET'S!
("The old grey horse just ain't what she "used" to be!")
3) "Financially" Compromised...You can "read" between the lines!

Here's MY Favorite:

4) And, just..."Sick &Tired"...Of Being Sick &Tired!
(I think that's a GOOD Start!)

I KNOW...

ALL that He's DONE for me...

But, Lord...

"It's a little OVERWHELMING here"...
(At LEAST from MY vantage point!)

Can you...HELP...A "Sistah" out?

I BELIEVE in the PROMISES of our God!

I KNOW...

One of the "FRUITS"...Of The Spirit...

Is Patience...LONG SUFFERING...Gal:5:22

BUT, FATHER...

HOW LONG?

I feel GUILTY...Even asking...

But, you KNOW My Heart...

You Know...

It's been on the "tip"...Of My Tongue...

For some TIME now!

And, What do you say about...HYPOCRITES?

"Woe to you, scribes and Pharises, hypocrites!"
Matthew 23:29
(And, you KNOW how that story ENDED!)

I BELIEVE MY GOD...
Can handle ANYTHING!

Even me ASKING...

Him to "SPEED UP" A Blessing...Or Two...Or Three...
MY WAY!

But...Seriously...

I've recently had someone I CARE about...

Who had to hear that "DREADED" Word...
Cancer...
(It's her Father...)

Her GRIEF...Was Palpable!

I Thought to Myself..."Dear God"...
(She's ALSO a Breast Cancer Survivor!)

What can you SAY?

The FIRST Scripture that came to MIND...

"Weeping may endure for a night, But JOY comes in the morning"...
Psalms 30:5

Then, I Thought...

"Okay, "JOY"...We're WAITING"!

Until Next Time...

For Thee I Sing...

"I GET IT!"...

We're ALL entitled...
To Our OPINIONS...

I've been watching the News...
Since, "Obamacare" was UPHELD,
By The Supreme Court.


But, WHO...With a "Beating" HEART...
Can be AGAINST, "The Affordable Health Care Act"
(It's REAL name...)
But, calling it "Obamacare"...Is POLARIZING...
And, DIVISION...Is what we're ALL about!
(Sorry...I just HAD to get that OFF my chest!)

There were MANY...
Being INTERVIEWED...
FOR...And,...AGAINST.
That's what an OPINION is...
YOUR Perspective...
YOUR Take...
On an ISSUE!


But, SPEAKING...
From MY OWN Experience...
With BREAST CANCER...
I'm HOPEFUL...We're FINALLY...
On the Road...To EQUALITY!
Translated: The POOR won't DIE...
From Breast Cancer...
Or ANY other, "Life-Altering" DISEASE...
Just because they're...POOR!

Many will say..."It isn't PERFECT"...
But, neither was the EARTH...
On the FIRST DAY...Of Creation...
God..."Perfected" it in 6...Rested the 7th...
So, it's a START...
And, a BOLD One at that!


"MANY" before President Obama...
"Backed" Off...At the FIRST sign...
Of  trouble...
Some thought it was... "Political" Suicide!
"I'm PROUD...Yes, PROUD!
He didn't "waiver" in his resolve!

"He that STANDS...For Nothing"...

I've NEVER made it a SECRET...
When I was DIAGNOSED...
I had just RETURNED...To Work...
AFTER taking off...
Due to my Mother's 16 month BATTLE...
With Cancer...(That she LOST!)
Then my Father's subsequent Illness.

I HAD NO HEALTH INSURANCE!

I WAS DEVASTATED!

When I was DIAGNOSED...

"HOW WILL I SURVIVE?"...

With NO WAY TO PAY...For Treatment?

Then...A WEIGHT...WAS LIFTED!

My Sister, Stephanie,

Gave me a Telephone Number...

THAT CHANGED MY LIFE!!!

To The Illinois Dept. Of Public Health...
Women's Health Division.

I was ENTITLED...To TREATMENT...
Fron a MEDICAID Funded Program...
"The Illinois Breast And Cervical Cancer Program"
(Entitlement...Is NOT "always" a DIRTY Word!)

Some WILL...Call this..."BIG GOVERNMENT"

Some WILL ...Say, "I Don't WANT Government...

INTRUSION"...

But...

I Have a "Different" Name for it...

" I CALL IT...LIFE!"

 3 years...
And, Counting...

I'm THANKFUL...GRATEFUL...

For this "BIG GOVERNMENT" INTRUSION...

THAT "SPARED"...MY LIFE!!!

I'm SURE...The 99% will AGREE...

" My Country 'Tis Of Thee...Sweet Land Of Liberty...

For Thee I Sing"...

Until Next Time...

"God Has Brought You Back!"

My Sister, and I were at my Dad's House,
For Father's Day.
We had a WONDERFUL time together.
Dinner...Reminiscing...Lots of Laughter!
And, as we were leaving...
My Father "kissed" me...
Then said...

"GOD HAS BROUGHT YOU BACK,GIRL!"

My eyes filled with tears...
(It doesn't take much!)

You will NEVER understand,
What HEARING those words feel like...

Unless...

You have been "SPARED"...
From an illness,
That has TAKEN...So MANY lives!

Breast Cancer DOES indeed Kill!

When Diagnosed...

You put your LIFE,
In the HANDS of Strangers!

Mind You...
These "Strangers"...
Doctors...Surgeons...Oncologists...
Are there to "HEAL" you...

But...

TRUST You with my LIFE?

"Didn't we JUST meet?"
(Thank God, I KNEW Jesus!)

Cancer doesn't "allow" time for pleasantry...

It's on a MISSION...

SEEK...KILL...DESTROY!
(ALL in it's Path!)

So, Introductions are...

QUICK...And, to the Point!
(No time to play "Hard To Get!")

In this Relationship...
Forget what your Mother said!
It's "Okay" to "RUSH" Things!
Cancer DOESN'T Wait...
And, neither can YOU!

We wake, each and EVERYDAY...
As if it's an "inherent" right of ours...
NEVER "really" Considering...
It's GOD...
"Breathing" LIFE..Into You.
(I took it for GRANTED, as well!)

After "Overcoming" Breast Cancer...
I REALIZE...It's a PRIVILEGE...
To "Receive"...The Almighty's,"Kiss" Of Life...
Every Morning "I Wake Up"...
(I hear Aretha singing,"I Say A Little Prayer For You!")

Yes..."Poppy"...
(That's what I call my Dad)

"GOD HAS BROUGHT ME BACK!"...

Better...Than...Ever!

Until Next Time...

Color Him Father...

Growing Up...

I ALWAYS knew who my "biological" Father was.
His name was...Charles Lewis Banks.
I talked to him on MANY occasions,
And, spent time with him.

He bought my Luncheon "outfit"...
A lavender gauze dress...
That I "pleaded" with him... For...Weeks...
To buy!
There was this "boutique"...
Across from my High School.
All the "well-to-do" girls...Shopped there!

So, I just "had" to buy my dress from,"The Source!"

He came to my Graduation...Proud...Beaming

Just like a Father should...I was his "firstborn!"

By the time he died...I loved Him...
After ALL He was my Father!
I felt I had even gotten to "know" him...
Just a "little" more...

The day before he died...We talked...
For "hours" on end...
My Marriage...My Mother...
Why he had been "absent"...In my life.

What I thought was a "new" beginning for us...
Well...God had "other" plans!

I was "raised"...By my "Step-Father".
I don't like to USE that term...

Because MY definition of a Father...

Is...

Someone who GIVES me advice,
When I need it...And, WIPES away my tears,
When I didn't "heed" His wise consul!

Someone who "sits" at my bedside...
When as a child...I thought the "witch" in my wall...
Was going to GET ME!

Loving Me...Caring for Me...Feeding and Clothing Me...
In "spite" of...My CONSTANT protestations...

"YOU ARE NOT MY FATHER!"

It takes a SPECIAL kind of Man...
To RAISE another Man's children...
Like His OWN.

I remember my FIRST pair of Cowboy Boots...
He bought them...
(There's QUITE a story behind those boots!)
One Day...I'll share it with you!

I LOVE the Man...Society labels...
My "Step-Father."

My Mom died shortly before...
My Breast Cancer diagnosis.

It was my "Step-Father"...
Who was at my Doctor's Appointments...
He LISTENED intently to my "cries"...
Over the LOSS of my Breast.

He made me LAUGH...When laughter was needed!
(Breast Cancer can be "serious" business!)

He listened...WHENEVER...I "called"...
ALWAYS reminding me...
"Everything WILL be alright!"
That God WILL see me through!

He sat QUIETLY...
As the Oncologist "explained,"
My Chemotherapy, and Radiation Regime.
And, when He DIDN'T understand...
He was MAN enough to say...
"Doctor, Can you explain it AGAIN..."
Just ONE MORE time?

What can I do?

But, call this man...FATHER!

Jimmie "Poppy" Cannady...

There's a song that goes...

"I think I'll COLOR Him Father"...

"I think I'll COLOR this MAN...LOVE!"

Until Next Time...

Speak To Me...

It Began...Quietly...
A Whisper...
Remember, when you were a child,
Sitting in Church...You talked when you shouldn't...
Your Mother tells you...HUSH!
It was just like that...In a "hushed" tone...

"I Am Fearfully, and Wonderfully Made"...

I heard it again...

"I Am Fearfully, and Wonderfully Made"...

What?

Now it's RUMBLING...Like Thunder!

"I AM FEARFULLY, AND WONDERFULLY MADE"...

Yes...I HEAR you, Lord!

I looked it up...Psalms 139:14

I was getting ready for work the other day,
I had some "things" on my mind.
The kind of "stuff" worrying about it...Won't change it!
But, Just like my Grandmother, Doris...
I'm a "worrier"...At least that's what her sister,
My "Great" Aunt Jean tells me!

And, while I was preparing for work...

I KEPT hearing it...

A Voice...Saying To Me...

" I Am Fearfully, and Wonderfully Made"...

What does "It" mean...Lord?

With a few days to "ponder" it...

I think I've got it!

I Am...Fearfully...And, Wonderfully Made!

I shouldn't "fear"...A problem...Or, ANY...Difficulties...

Why?

Because as it is written...In Psalms 27:1...

"The Lord IS the STRENGTH of MY Life,

Of WHOM...(WHAT)...Shall I be afraid?"

Nothing is too hard for God!

I am WONDERFULLY made...Genesis 1:26...

"Then God said,"Let Us make MAN in Our image...

According to Our Likeness".

I AM Created...In the VERY Image Of God!

What could be more POWERFUL than that?

With ALL that in mind...

I FEEL...Stronger...Fearless...Wonderful!

I just have to KEEP reminding myself...

To "tap" into His Strength!

"I AM FEARFULLY, AND WONDERFULLY MADE!"

Until Next Time...

Why?

When we're young...
We just "plow" through our youth.
EVERYTHING...
Is New...Wonderful...Exciting!
Life is just one "grand" adventure!

As we get older...

I believe we all become more introspective.

You ponder...

What's this Life...All about?
Why...Am I here?
And...For what Purpose?

When you're diagnosed with Cancer...
Those questions...
Seem to take on a WHOLE new...Meaning.

I didn't spend much time on asking God...Why?
When I was diagnosed.
But, instead...
I said,"Okay, God, this has happened"...
"Tell me...Show me..."
"How I can USE this..."
"For YOUR Glory!"
Teach me...
I'm READY...To Learn!

Some of His answers were immediate.
Two, dear friends of mine were diagnosed,
With Breast Cancer.
So...Part of His answer,
Was to become...A Beacon...
To Illuminate...The Path...To Overcoming...
This disease.

I really didn't need to say much to them...

Just as with Lazarus...
In John 11:43...
When Jesus said,"Lazarus...Come forth!"
ALL I had to do...Was just "SHOW UP"...
To let them KNOW...He Heals...
And, He ANSWERS Prayers!

But, somehow I remain...
Just a "little" unsatisfied...
I'm working...
Doing what I did BEFORE...Breast Cancer...

I wanted my Life...
To RETURN...To normal.
But...NOW, I realize...
I NEED...So much more!

Lord...Was all my suffering in vain?
How can my fight...
Help the fight...
In the War... Against Breast Cancer?

Just as with Samuel...
In 1Samuel 3:9...
I'm saying...
"Speak, Lord, for YOUR servant hears"...

Until Next Time...

Don't Look...Back!

I get a "Daily Devotional" that's sent to my phone...
Everyday!
Let's face it...
I can use all the "help" I can get!

It's almost 3 years...
Since my Breast Cancer diagnosis...
(November 19th-3 years,"Cancer Free!")

And, I MUST admit...

From Time...To Time...

I still "visit" that place...

The,"I was fine UNTIL I was diagnosed with Breast

Cancer"...Town

Have you ever "vacationed" there?

And, it gives me...
Some, "momentary" satisfaction...
(Keyword:...Momentary!)

Then I REALIZE...

The "futility" of...Looking Back!

In 2009, prior to my Diagnosis...

I MADE plans...

I Remember CLEARLY, saying to God...

"Just let me CONTINUE this pace for the Winter"...
(I WAS working 60+hours of OVERTIME...EVERY 2 weeks!)

Then, I said...To God, that is...

"In the SPRING...I'll TAKE time off"...
"Get SOME rest...Promise!"...

I had "THINGS"...I wanted to do...

Buy a NEW car...

Help my daughter...Buy a car...

Buy some property...

Save some money...For that "ever" popular...

Just "in case"...Fund!
(I NEVER knew...The "latter" was coming SO SOON!)

Remember that "old" saying...

"IF you want to make God laugh...Make PLANS!"

Then...I FOUND a LUMP...In October...Of that Year...

The Rest...

As Humans...
We ALL do it...

We LOOK BACK...

We "cringe" remembering...
The "idleness" of our Youth...
(That's a nice way to put it, you think?)
The "longing" for a love...
That was "never" ours to have...
The list could go on...

But, as ADULTS...
We REALIZE...
(Or simply...Give In!)
To the notion...
That ALL that "foolishness"...
Made us the "wise" adults we've become.

In Genesis 19:26...

LOOKING BACK...Lot's wife became a "pillar" of salt.
(Now I don't know about you...Salt? I'd rather not!)

That "Voice" you hear...That "harkens" you to...

LOOK BACK...

When you are feeling...Sad...Lonely...Depressed...

"Ain't" the "Voice" of God!

I always use this analogy...

When you are driving...You face forward...
Before you say it...I know...
You LOOK BACK...From time to time...
To make sure, that no one's "riding" your bumper!

But...Think about it...

You'll NEVER arrive at your Destination...
Unless you continue to drive...Forward!

Indulge Me...
For a "Moment"...

This is just for ME...

I "needed" those reminders...

I've been...LOOKING BACK, lately...

And, SOMETIMES I have to REMIND myself...

Just...How"futile" that way of THINKING is!

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!
(I'm DRIVING forward Again!)

Until Next Time...

A Gift...

Our lives are FILLED with so MANY moments.
Moments of EXTREME Happiness...
And, of GREAT Sorrow.

Life IS a balancing act!

As we get older...
You REALIZE how "precious" these...
Moments are.

You CHERISH the "good" ones...
And, PRAY your way through the others.

Battling Breast Cancer...
Helped me to realize...

Just how PRECIOUS these moments are.

Spending time with my daughter...
Doing nothing in particular,
Time spent with the people I love...
Family...Friends...

Brings that old commercial to mind,

"Life's SIMPLE pleasures are the BEST"...
(Remember, that one?)
"Are the best...In all the world".
(I don't remember the product!)
Old Age is setting in!

I feel so BLESSED...

My Life was "delayed" during treatment...
But, not "taken"!

So Now...

I TRULY LIVE...Like there's NO tomorrow!

I ...Taste...Smell...See...Experience...Enjoy...

ALL that is around me!

The World...

Looks SO shiny...And, NEW!

I LAUGH...Longer...
I LOVE...Harder!

My Life is "SO FULL"!

Because of this disease...I REALIZE...

TIME...Is a LUXURY...

A luxury...Not to be taken...For Granted!

LIFE...Is a GIFT...

(To Personalize it...My Life is one!)

And, I "unwrap" it...Gingerly...

Each...And, Everyday...

Until Next Time...

Memorial Day

Barbecue...
One of my "favorite" words,
In the English language.
It evokes such wonderful childhood memories.

That smoke...
Brings a smile to my face...
Everytime!

My Mom would barbecue,
For all the summer holidys.
Memorial Day...Fourth of July...Labor Day...
And, the "ever" popular...
It's "too hot" to turn on the oven day!

We were Blessed...
As I get older...
I realize how fortunate we were.
There was ALWAYS food on the table.
And, on the holidays...
A Bonanza!

So, it's no small wonder,
Since becoming an adult,
A Grill...Weber Kettle, to be exact,
Is my "favorite" summer accessory!
(Well, it's a "close" second to my platform wedges!)

Cooking...
Was one of the MANY ways my Mom,
Expressed her love for us.
She made EVERY holiday,
A "Big" Event.

I've since carried that particular tradition,
Into myAdulthood.
Which means...On ANY given day,
Holiday or not,
Food (Especially barbecue!)
Is one of the ways I express...
My Love...My Devotion...
To My Family.

Let's See...
Food seasoned-Check!
(Every good cook "prepares" the night before!)
The Patio swept...Grill cleaned...
Check!

And, in a few short hours...

You'll find me standing...
In front of my grill...
"Tools"...In hand.

Smoke rising...

Making my "momma" proud!

Because...

NOTHING...Says "loving" like...

RIBS...CHICKEN...SAUSAGE...STEAK...
BAKED BEANS...CORN...POTATOS...
AND, DEVILED EGGS...

Yummmmm...

In Loving Memory...

To the "Original" Grill Master...My Mom!

Until Next Time...

Keep Your Fingers Crossed...

Tuesdays...
So, I paid a visit to my Plastic Surgeon.
When he walked into the Office...
The way he "looked" at me...
I just KNEW...
It's Time!

When I began the Reconstruction Process,
I was told...(Over,and Over, and...!)
That how my "new" skin "responded"
Would determine...
My Size...(Cup size, ladies!)
Go BIG...Or stay home, right?

Radiation...Does a "number" on the skin!
(They need to INCLUDE that in the Cancer brochures!)

But, me being the eternal optimist...
I can't even type that with a straight face!
Just this ONE time,
I WOULD have a "say" in the process...
Not my BODY!

Well...Do I even need to say it?

My skin has "expanded"..."stretched"...
As MUCH as it can...
(On the left, where they placed the "new" skin)
Due to my Radiation.

They CAN'T "fill" me with another drop of fluid...

So,
It's Time...

For the LAST Big Step...SURGERY!!!

One WOULD conclude by now...
I would be "used" to it.
(Well, ONE would be WRONG!)

Yet...AGAIN...
I'll be placed on a stretcher...
Rolled into a "cold" sterile room.
With BIG lights...
Could this possibly be my opportunity?
For Stardom?
Well, maybe...
If not for the SHARP, SHINY, Knives...
And, people wearing MASKS!

That will have my LIFE...In their hands!

Pity Party?

No, the invitations were LOST in the mail!

But, I'd like you to understand...

With ALL this...Breast Cancer...Chemo...Radiation

Reconstruction...

You are NOT a willing participant!

What I'm saying is...EVERYTHING...

YES, EVERYTHING!

Is for the most part...Out of your CONTROL...

I Mean...You just go ALONG...

Because you just want it ALL to be OVER!

Think about it...Indulge me, for just a moment.

We are raised ALL our lives..."Be Independent"...

"Don't let SOMEONE else...Tell you what to do!"

Right?

Then you get diagnosed...With Breast Cancer...

And, NOW...

In order to LIVE...

You do just the opposite...

Do you see my POINT...

Frustrating, just a little, huh?

So, these last 3 years...Inner turmoil...

That's BARELY touching the surface!

But...With ALL that in mind...

"Keep your fingers crossed for me"...

I'll be HOLDING my Breath!

Because in just SIX short weeks...

I'll be WHOLE...

Again...

Until Next Time...

Build Something!

It's "Amazing" how God works.
Today's Blog Post WAS going to be about...
Setbacks...Self Pity...Here I come!

I've been in bed SICK...All week.
I've been battling a "horrible" cold, flu...
You name it!

Too weak...To do anything!
Being incapacitated for SO LONG...
Helped to "foster"...Or shall I say...
"Encourage"...feelings of self pity,
"Poor" Me!

"Oh, I haven't worked ALL week"
"My Bills________"
You can fill in the blank!

But, I had an epiphany...

I was watching the News...
And, I heard someone say,
Someone who has LIVED with,
Parkinson's Disease for OVER 20 Years.
"When Life gives you HAMMERS to carry"
"You BUILD something!"

Now that's HEAVY...(No pun intended!)
Alot to consider when you think about it.

Here I am...
Feeling SORRY for myself...
When someone who "jerks" uncontrollably...
(It's called Tardive Dyskinesia)
Can say...BUILD...FORTIFY...REINFORCE!

Talk about...Looking on the Bright Side!

So...Who the HELL am I to complain?

YES...I HAD Breast Cancer.
YES...My Life is different.
YES...There are some things I've had to "adjust" to.

But...Who doesn't?
George Benson said it best...
When he sang,"Everything MUST change!"

So, lamenting...
Over what "used" to be...
That is the PAST.
And, it's just... Pointless!

In order to move FORWARD...

I'm Choosing...

TO BUILD SOMETHING!

"Hammer"...In my hand...

I'll START with...

"Building"...My Faith...

It's EASY to "say" the word...
But, "living" it...
Takes SOME doing...
Especially when Life...
Takes an UNEXPECTED turn!
Just ask...Job!

Next...

I'll "BUILD"...My Temple.

"FORTIFY" it...With Exercise...
Only "allowing" the Foods...
That WILL strengthen it, in.
(No more late night Harold's Chicken runs...)
Help me Jesus!

Then...

I'll "FORTIFY"...My "Stance"

By putting on..."The Whole Armor of God",
In addition..."The Breastplate of Righteousness"
And,...Gird my Waist...With Truth.
The Shield of Faith...And the Helmet of Salvation...
NOW I'm Ready...CHARGE!

Last...But, not least...

When the "enemy" attacks...
I'll have the Sword of the Spirit...
Which IS the WORD of God...
"BUILT"...In my Foundation...
From Birth...

To DEFEAT him.

Lord...

You've GIVEN me the Tools...

Continue...

To TEACH your Servant...

How to "BUILD!"

BRICK...By...BRICK!

Until Next Time...

Mother's Day

This Mother's Day...
Is SO Special!
It is my THIRD Mother's Day...
Count Them...Three!
Since...My Breast Cancer diagnosis.

I'm "CELEBRATING"...
I'm "DANCING"...
(Or what I call,"my" idea of  dancing!)
I'm Singing...Kool and The Gang's...
"CELEBRATE...Good Times...Come On!"

God...Has been SO good to me!

There was a time...
Seems a "lifetime" ago...
I didn't KNOW...
If I'd LIVE to see another one...
And, HERE I AM..."Blessed"...
With 3...And, counting!

My Daughter, and I...
Shopped...Vintage Stores this week.
I found a Handbag...Earrings...
Just like my Grandmother's...
She was "always" VERY Fashionable...
That is just ONE of the things...
I STILL Remember...
About Her...

The Woman...Who...
Taught my Mom...
So, she could "teach" me...
About...Life.

But, Mother's Day...
Isn't about the gifts...
(Well, MAYBE just a little...wink, wink!)

The time I spend with my Daughter...
Means SO MUCH more!

We're going to,"A Taco Joint"...
In Lincoln Park,
Tomorrow...
For MY FAVORITE...
Blood Orange Margarita's...And, Tacos!
Ay Carumba!

Just to be HERE...
Another YEAR...
To be ABLE...
To spend this TIME together...
Well, there are NO words...
For that feeling!

I Think Back...

I'm Reminded...

Of a Mother's Day...
With My Mom...

We drove Downtown...
My Mom wanted,
An "outfit"...For Church.
She just LOVED suits by Kasper!
We spent the WHOLE day together...
Laughing...Talking...Shopping...
At Marshall Field's.
Just the two of us...
It's ONE of my FONDEST Memories...

My Daughter "honors" me...
As, I did...My Mom...
Every Mother's Day.

The Tradition Continues...

Of  "Honoring"...
The "One"...
Who gave you...
LIFE.

Who taught you...

"Hold your head up High"...
"Stand Up Straight"...
Taught me to..."tie" my shoes...
(A "feat" it took me...A while to "master!")
But, she DIDN'T give up!
Who "kissed" all my boo-boo's away...
Who LOVED Me...
Like NO ONE else...

Who taught me...To Be...
The Woman I Am...

So, I could TEACH my Daughter...

"I'll ALWAYS LOVE My Momma'...
'Cause she's my FAVORITE Girl!"...

In Loving Memory...
For My FAVORITE Girl...
Ms. Robbie Banks...

Until Next Time...

Friendship...

Webster's Dictionary defines it as:
One attached to another, by respect or affection.
Or...
One who SUPPORTS, or favors something.

Those were my favorite two...

There were always people in my life...
That I called my FRIENDS.
That I could "laugh" and "share" with...

You Know...

Things friends are supposed to do, with
each other.

Since being diagnosed...

I've met some new "friends"...

But, I feel like they're...So much MORE!

I like to think of them as...

My "PINK SISTAHS"!

As a Group...We are MANY!

We do the "things" FRIENDS do.

We "SHARE"...The "ups", and "downs"...

Of our Breast Cancer Journey...

We "SUPPORT" each other...

Whether it's a WORD..."Hold On Girl"...

A PRAYER..."Dear God, Please HELP my "Sistah"...

Or something "more" tangible.

I FEEL so SAFE...With Them...

INSULATED...

Because we've ALL been through...A Journey...

For Many of Us...A type of HELL...

That has BONDED Us...

For a LIFETIME!

Each of Us...Are at a different PHASE...

In Our Journey.

Some have completed...ALL their Treatment.

Some are going through Reconstruction...

And, there's ALWAYS a new "Pink Sistah"...
Among Us...Who has only just BEGUN...
Her Journey.

I have NEVER felt as STRONG...

Or as SAFE...

As I do with these Women.

It's True...

There's a DEEPER level of UNDERSTANDING...

A kind of...Intimacy.

With people who have a "shared" experience.

So, on this morning,
As the Lord opened my eyes...
My FIRST thought...
Was of my "Sistahs".

I am HUMBLED...
By their LOVE and SUPPORT...
I am GRATEFUL...
To be "counted" among them.

My Breast Cancer Journey,
Has been made "easier"...
My burdens "lighter"...

Because...I can call anyone of them...

"Hey, Girl...I'm having ONE of THOSE days"...

And, they UNDERSTAND...

Until Next Time...

Sunday Morning Worship

I've always been VERY emotional.

I Cry...

At Movies,
When I'm with my Family,
Admiring the Beauty of...Creation.
When I'm overwhelmed...

By God's Love.

At Church,
I'm no different.
Worship Service has ALWAYS been,
An emotional experience, for me.

I have to admit...
Since Breast Cancer...
It's more intense!

Sitting in Worship Service today,
The Choir, sang "Why I Love Jesus".
With each verse...
My eyes couldn't STOP tearing.

Just thinking about ALL God has done,
Renders me...Speechless!

In the SAME set of circumstances...

NO Insurance,
NO "Real" Idea...
What a Breast Cancer Diagnosis
involves...
NO Where to turn...

Many Women Die!

I Wonder...

Why did I Live?

I was taught...God will use you!
Use your trials,
And, your triumphs.
For the GOOD of His People.

That's why I OPENLY discuss,
My Journey...
I'm a Testament...
To what God can DO...

He Made A Way...

Pastor discussed...Faith,
The size of a Mustard Seed.

FAITH...
Is "all" I had...
When diagnosed.

FAITH...
Is "all" I needed.
To get from There...To Here.

So, as they sang...

"Why I Love Jesus"...

I Thought...

There are so many reasons...

He "chose" to look BEYOND my faults,
To see MY needs.

Because of Him...I'm HEALED.

Just Believe...

Until Next Time...

Still...The One...

Breast Cancer...

Tell someone...
And, their eyes go IMMEDIATELY...
To my breasts!

Are they...Aren't they?

ONLY I know for sure!

Many people "want" to ask...

"Did you LOSE your breasts?"

I'm very HONEST when they gather the "nerve"...

Yes...I "lost" my left breast to Cancer.

And, I "voluntarily" gave up the right.

With the women I tell...

There's this LOOK..."Oh, God!"
(Thankful, it's NOT them!)

I understand...I'm NOT offended!
Anymore...

We've been taught to believe...

BREASTS...Are a BIG part...Of what,

Makes us FEEL like a...Woman!
(Cue...Aretha Franklin's,"Natural Woman"...)

We KNOW...

A nice "pair" of breasts...In the "right" top...

Can STOP...A man...DEAD...In his tracks!

Men...Proudly Proclaim...

"I'm a BREAST man"...

So,  You can imagine...

A diagnosis of Breast Cancer...

Can "shake" the very "Foundation"...

Of what we were TAUGHT...To believe...

Makes us the "fairer" sex!

Going through MY journey,

I UNDERSTAND...

But, DON'T agree...
With women who...
Choose...
Not to seek Treatment.

Think about it..."You want to take my WHAT?"

"I'm going to LOSE"...

My Hair...That I "pampered" weekly.

My Eyelashes...That I "lavished" with mascara.

My Eyebrows...And, to TOP it all OFF...

"MY BREASTS...TOO?"

EVERYTHING...That I thought...Personified...

WOMANHOOD...Gone?

I looked at my Doctor...
Remember Ricky Ricardo...
"Lucy, (Doctor)...You got some explaining to do!"

I'm sure you're wondering...

Afterwards...

What remained?

I DID!

I was STILL the ONE...

Who gave BIRTH...To my child...

A MASTER griller...My lambchops...Are Legendary...

A WOMAN... who could "rock" a pair of...6 inch heels!

A WOMAN...who could love, nurture, listen, and advise.

A WOMAN...who could PRAY..."Dear Lord"...

NONE of this...
Did Cancer DESTROY!

So...

If you're...Wondering...

Do I STILL feel like a Woman?

YES!

And, by the way...

With a NEW, and IMPROVED...

Pair of Breasts...

That in the "right" top...

Can..."STILL" stop...A man...

DEAD...In his Tracks...

(Thank, God...For Plastic Surgeons!)

Until Next Time...

Holding On...

I've LEARNED...

Sometimes you WIN,
Sometimes you LOSE.

Life is "Funny" like that!

We have SEASONS of GREAT prosperity,
And, SEASONS of NEED as well.

God's Plan...

Is way beyond our comprehension.

But, one thing I KNOW for sure...

When things get ROUGH,

Hold On...

A CHANGE is "definitely" coming...

How does that scripture read?

"I have been young, and now am old;
Yet, I have never seen the righteous forsaken,
Nor his descendants begging bread" Psalms 37:25

When FACED with a diagnosis of...Breast Cancer,

Holding On...

Is ALL you can do.

You have no control...Did you really ever?

Over how you feel...Lousy!
Your ability to work...Compromised!

And, the BILLS...That PILE up...

I HAD A...

"CAN'T DO A DAMN THING BOX"...

Labeled for ALL those bills...
After being off a year...

That I couldn't do a DAMN...Thing about!

An Illness...
Is Emotionally...And, Financially...

DEVASTATING!

It makes "Holding On"...

MORE...

I gave it my BEST...I REALLY did!

But, there were days...That I felt,

"I was doing FINE until I got diagnosed with"...

But, on ONE of those days...

I thought of the WOMEN who came BEFORE me...

My Great Grandmother, Kansedar,
A SHARECROPPER...
Who raised a Family of 9,
In RURAL Mississippi...Picking Cotton,
"Holding On"...To make the trip,"NORTH".

My Grandmother, Doris,
Who was a MAID..."Scrubbing" floors,
For a Family in LaGrange...
And, working at Rush...Scrubbing their floors,
FOR YEARS...
"Holding On"...Raising my Mom,
By Herself!

My Mother, Robbie,
Whose "Dreams" were "DEFERRED"...
To RAISE us...Five in all.
So, that we could ONE DAY...
Live ours..."Holding On"...
Her FAVORITE response...PRAY!
She just...KNEW...
GOD answers PRAYERS!

So, on "those" days...
Then...And...Now...
When I'm feeling...

I REMEMBER...

My Ancestry...

I WON'T break the Link...

I'm STILL..."Holding On"!...

Until Next Time...

Fear...Of The Unknown...

I have to come clean...
Just admit it!
I haven't been feeling "well"
Lately...

I don't know...

Night Shift work?
Not getting enough rest?

Who Knows?...

I FINALLY decided to go see,
My Doctor today.

My Sisters "fuss" at me...
Because I did WAIT to see if I'd...
Feel better...First!

What my Sisters don't understand...

Doctor's Visits...
Especially "unscheduled" ones..

Scare the H-E, Double L...Out of me!

Just walking through those doors...
"Conjure" up...Memories...

Breast Cancer...
Illness...
FEAR!


ALL those Emotions,
OPEN the Floodgates!

To feelings...I thought, were LONG gone!
But, I guess they never REALLY leave...
They just lie DORMANT...

WAITING...

For the opportunity to resurface!

You would think,
With MY history...

I'd RUN to see my Doctor!

But...

There's this...FEAR...

What IF something is REALLY wrong...Again?

And, as brave as I was through Treatment...
(Or at least that's what my Family thought!)

I ALWAYS felt like a "scared" child...
Wanting my "Mommy"...
I just longed to hear her voice...
Telling me it's ALL going to be just fine!

Sitting here,
In the Waiting Area...

I'm Anxious...
And, I feel like crying!
Go ahead...Say it!
Yes, just like a "girl"...
I cry...When I'm scared!

I'm...Praying...
EVERYTHING will be alright!

That's not TOO much to ask...Now is it?

It's so ironic...
I was ALWAYS healthy!

But...
Once you've heard those words...

"YOU have Breast Cancer"...

A Doctor's Appointment...
Takes on a whole NEW meaning!

I'm in the Exam Room...
In walks my Doctor...

I KNOW...
EVERYTHING...Will be just fine!

You know why?

The words of a song come to mind...

"I don't believe He brought me this far...

To leave Me!"...

I can EXHALE...

Until Next Time...

SCARS...

Webster's Dictionary says...
"A mark LEFT after tissue,
has HEALED...

We ALL have them...
Some ARE visible...
MANY are not...

I touch my back...
And, it's there.
The 'scar" that reminds me...
How FAR I've come.

I trace the length of it...
Each "groove"...
Is a reminder...
Of an "obstacle"
I've OVERCOME.

A "BATTLE"...
Hard fought-and, WON!

It's not a "large" scar...
I can even,
Wear my back out.
None would be the wiser...
God, BLESS my Plastic Surgeon!

But...
WHENEVER I "touch" it...
I think back...
"Oh, Yeah..."
That was me...
That wasn't someone else's life,
I was "witnessing".

Before my scars...

The Assistant Pastor at our Church,
Preached a Sermon...

"Scars...Are a TESTIMONY...
Of what God HAS brought you Through"...

It was always my Favorite,
Sermon of His.
God, must have been "preparing" me...
For MY scars...

Although at the time...

I was unaware...

My Scars...
Are my "testimony"
To what God HAS...
Allowed me to LIVE THROUGH...

I wear them PROUDLY...

Until Next Time...

Some Things Are BETTER Left Unsaid...

One thing I KNOW for sure,
Whenever I tell someone I HAD
Breast Cancer...
I have "learned" to "brace" myself.

What comes out of their mouths is...
"I'm SO sorry"...
That I can handle!

But, what inevitably comes next...

"I had a Mother, Sister,
Aunt, Friend, Girlfriend...
DIE from Breast Cancer".

Really?

That little "fact"...
I'd PREFER you keep,
To Yourself!

One thing Cancer patients,
LIVE with...
Is the "Possibility"...
"IT" may return.

Telling me...
You KNEW somenoe who "died"
from this disease...

Doesn't exactly help my sense of well being!

I've TRIED to UNDERSTAND...
Who the He--?

Why?

Do people tell me that?
Who says that to someone?

But, I just...Smile...
And, "get away" from them,
As fast...
As I can!

Try this on for size...
"Your name is...What?"
You know EVERYONE I knew,
With THAT name...
Died a "terrible" death...

Now,
Do YOU see, my point?
SOME things are BETTER left unsaid...

I guess people REALLY don't know,
What to say.
I just ask...
Before, you speak...

THINK.

With that in mind...
If you encounter me...
And, I tell you...
I "HAD" Breast Cancer...

PRAY for me...
ENCOURAGE me...
Say..."May the Lord's Healing Mercies...
Be FOREVER upon you".

But,

DON'T tell me...
Who you KNEW that "died",
From this disease...

I HAVE to STAY,
Positve.
To remain...
Victorious!

Over this disease.

I'm just saying...

Until Next Time...

"To Whom MUCH Is Given"...

As I watched the Evening News today,
I heard some "alarming"...
No "distressing" news!

The State Of Illinois,
Is "threatening"...SEVERE
Medicaid cuts!

They're "millions" in DEBT!

My Treatment...

PAID for by a Medicaid funded Program,
IBCCP...The Illinois Breast & Cervical Cancer
Program.

You're probably thinking...

What does this have to do with me?

I RECEIVED my Treatment...

Why am I CONCERNED?

It DOESN'T "affect" you...Anymore!

True...My Treatment...
PAID IN FULL!

But,
What about the OTHERS?

Should I just say...Nothing?
ALLOW Women...To Die?

I've worked my ENTIRE Life.
I'm a Nurse...By Profession.

But, when Breast Cancer...
Came "a calling"...

I had JUST returned to work.
Off, caring for Parents...
My Mom...I LOST to Cancer...
My Dad...He survived!

Let me Impart some INFORMATION...

This Program...Serves...
Women who are UNINSURED...
Or UNDERINSURED...

With the "proposed" Medicaid cuts...
What HAPPENS to them?

Let me REFRESH your Memory...
5 Women...5 African American Women,

DIE...Yes, DIE!...Daily...
From Breast Cancer!

Due to the inability to ACCESS Treatment,
And, the LACK of INFORMATION,
About Treatment Programs...For the UNINSURED!

Knowing this...
How can I just think...
I got MINE...

I FIRMLY Believe...
Part of the reason I was diagnosed...
The Lord KNEW...
I would not just go QUIETLY...

Once, I became AWARE...
Of the disparities that EXIST...
Between DIAGNOSIS...and, MORTALITY,
For African American Women.

It's HEARTBREAKING...

The Legislators in Springfield,
Making these DECISIONS...
HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE!
Provided by OUR TAX DOLLARS!

They were ELECTED by Us...
But, I think they FORGOT...
They have to ANSWER to Us!

I ask this question...
Mr. & Mrs. Legislator...

"Just HOW do you sleep at Night?"

KNOWING Women WILL DIE?

I NEVER thought...IF...
Illnesss came to my door...

I would be UNINSURED...FRIGHTENED...
UNPREPARED...

Mr. & Mrs. Legislator...
I'm SURE you feel the same...

It is written...

"To whom MUCH is given...

MUCH (even more!) is REQUIRED"

It's not ALWAYS...

Someone else...
Illness,
Has NO REGARD..To POSITION...
Social Standing...In our Society...

I've worked my ENTIRE Life...

But, when Breast Cancer...

"Knocked" on my DOOR...

Until Next Time...

Grateful...

How does that song go?

" I am grateful for the things that
He has done"...

That's how I'm feeling...

THIS morning.

Filled with Gratitude!

" I could go on, and on,
And on...

As I open my eyes...

I am FILLED with Praise!

Thankful...Once again,

For the BLESSING of another day.

Before being Diagnosed,

I had GOOD days...

And, I had some BAD days.

To be Honest...I still do.

The difference?

I've learned to put,
My bad days...

In Perspective.

If my hair isn't falling out,
I'm not "throwing" up,
Dizzy,
Unable to swallow,
A constant "metal" taste in my mouth,
Head "pounding",
Unable to sit up,
Without assisstance.
And,
If my body doesn't feel at "war" with itself...

Then,
It's REALLY not a BAD day,
After All!

Lesson Learned:
It can ALWAYS be worst.
And, for a time it was...

This Journey...

Makes you BITTER,
Or BETTER.

Someone recently remarked...
About my Positive Attitude.

My response...

"After all I've been through...
That's the ONLY way to live"..

LIVE...

" I am grateful for the things that,
He has done"...

Until Next Time...

The BEST Is...

You hear all these...
Cliche's...

"The BEST is YET to Come"...

"Dreams DO come TRUE"...

"Today, IS the FIRST day,

Of the REST of your LIFE"...

And...
Before I was diagnosed,
With Breast Cancer.

That's what I THOUGHT they
were...

Just "campy" cliche's.

But, AFTER you SURVIVE...
A diagnosis...

Like Breast Cancer...

That MANY don't.

You HAVE to BELIEVE...

"The BEST Is YET to COME"...

For My Family...

My Daughter...

Their PRAYERS were answered.

I'm STILL here...

"Dreams DO come TRUE"...

Now...I wake,

EACH and EVERYDAY,

Feeling...

"Today IS the FIRST day,

Of the REST of MY life"!

That's what SURVIVING this diagnosis...

Has given me...HOPE!

How can you feel, ANY other way?

I LOST my Health...But, it's been RESTORED!

I LOST my Hair...It's BACK...And, BETTER!

I LOST my Breasts...But, due to the "GIFTED" Hands,

Of My Plastic Surgeon...THEY'RE BACK!

Better...Youthful..."PERKY"!

Did I mention?...BIGGER!

We LIVE this Life...EVERYDAY...

Just Existing...

Don't let it take CANCER...

To make you REALIZE...

That those aren't MERELY cliche's...

But, a WAY you SHOULD...

APPROACH LIFE!

FILLED with HOPE...

Believe...

That TODAY is the FIRST day,

Of the REST of your LIFE!

I don't know about you...

But, I've DECIDED...

To get "BUSY"...LIVING IT!

Until Next Time...

I HAD Breast Cancer...Now What?

I've been hearing the word,
"Transitioning"...
ALOT lately.

I'm even taking a Class,
Appropriately named...

Cancer Transitions.

I've gone back to work...
I've resumed most of the Activities,
I took part in...

Before Breast Cancer.

I look, smell, sound...
"Feel" good.
(You get the picture!)

Haven't I already transitioned?

A few days ago...

My answer would have been a,
Resounding...

YES!

But, recently...

AFTER an encounter,
With someone who hasn't,
Had to deal with a "Health Crisis"....

I couldn't give you the same answer...
With as MUCH...

Confidence.

Here I am...Thinking,

Girl, "You got it going on" !

Until...

The "mere" mention...
That I HAD Breast Cancer...
CHANGED the way a person "interacted" with me.
(Truth telling time!)

I saw someone I hadn't seen in years...
(Okay, it was a GUY!)

He "remarked"...
"How the years had been kind to me".
And, how "fantastic" I looked...

I couldn't disagree...
He has eyes...Doesn't he?

We spoke a few times...
Looking good, huh?

Well at the MENTION of my...
Breast Cancer...(Past tense!)

ALL bets were off!

The tone of our conversations...
CHANGED!

I thought for a minute...

I STILL look the same,

Nothing...

Had changed about me...

Oh, right!

I HAD Breast Cancer!

I gave it even MORE thought...

My response...

YES! I HAD Breast Cancer...

SO WHAT!

I've known IGNORANCE,
Because of the COLOR of my skin.

But, IGNORANCE because of my diagnosis.
(That's a NEW one for me!)

The "old folks" have a saying...

"You know where you've BEEN"...
"But, not what lies AHEAD of you"...

Cancer...Isn't "gender" specific...

Not EVEN Breast Cancer!

It can KNOCK on ANY door...

And, if it's yours...

How would YOU like to be treated?

Hmmmm......

Until Next Time...

Sir William The Conqueror...

It's the end of the day,
Darkness has descended...

Upon the Earth...
(At least in my corner of it!)

In a few hours...

I'll be heading home...

I've spent the Easter Weekend,
With my Family in Alabama.

And, like ALL "good" things,

I DON'T want it to end...

But, the reality is...

It has to...For now.

I met my nephew,

Sean William Banks...

For the very FIRST time...

He is almost 3...

My "battle" with Breast Cancer,
Kept me "kinda" busy...( You think?)

So, our "introduction" was delayed...

He is...

A "lightning" rod!

FULL of  energy...
MISCHIEF! (With a Capitol, "M"!)

Just like your "typical" 3 year old...

I KNOW...

God "spared" me...

For this "moment"...

For this time...
To be spent with...

Sir William The Conqueror!
(He DESTROYS all in his path!)
Hence the name...(smile!)

He doesn't KNOW...

Couldn't POSSIBLY understand...

What meeting him,
Has meant to me.

My cup "runneth" over...

But, I KNOW...

God KNEW...

I WOULD see this day,

And, come FACE to FACE...

With Him...(His laughter, fills my heart with JOY!)

I LOOK at him,
I SEE him,
With my Mother's eyes...

I am DRINKING him in...
For us BOTH.

She didn't...I did...
Survive Cancer...

So, I could see him...

For the FIRST time.

LOVE...
Comes in ALL shapes,
And, SIZES...

My LOVE Is...

At 3 years old,
A "bubble" blowing...
Temper tantrum "throwing"
Pizza loving...
When in "time out"...
"Frowny" face "mugging"...

PRINCE!

My Mom always told me...
SOMEDAY he'd come!

HE HAS ARRIVED...

Until Next Time...

Run This Race...

I CAN'T stop listening...
(I've given up trying!)
To Smokie Norful's CD...
"Life Changing".

It's an older one,
His second I believe...
ADD it to your collection!
(You can,"thank me", after you listen to it!)

There's this song...
"Run 'Til I Finish"...

And,
Since being diagnosed with Breast Cancer,
In November 2009...
That's JUST what I've been doing...

Run This Race...

PRAYING my voice WILL be HEARD,
So, I can HELP other sisters...
Diagnosed with this disease,

RUN THEIRS!

Or at the very LEAST navigate through,
This maze...

Life Changing...
(Smokie had it right!)

Is just what happens!
When you are diagnosed...

BUT...

After the TEARS...
After Treatment...
What are you going to do?

What's Left?

From my experience...

A BETTER ME!

You WILL be a BETTER you!

More OPEN to Life...
And, ALL it's possibilities!

If you hadn't before...

NOW is the TIME!

To LIVE!

I Remember...

While going through treatment...

I  would hear this voice...
It sounds like my Mom...
(God rest her soul!)

Telling Me...
Go...Run...

Make your Journey...MATTER!
Make this experience...COUNT!

We were taught,

TO SHARE...Whatever we had.

No matter how LITTLE...

OR,

How MUCH...

She would say,"God WILL Bless Those"
That BLESS others...

So...Helping...Sisters...

Who will take this JOURNEY...
Behind Me.
Is in my DNA...

Letting them KNOW,

You CAN beat this!

Is what I've learned.

THAT...

It ain't over...
Until the "fat lady" sings...

So, until you hear that chorus...

Run...Your Race!

The song ends with...

"I've made up my mind"...

"I don't have much time"...

"I'm going to RUN 'Til I FINISH"!

I COULDN'T HAVE SAID IT ANY BETTER!

Until Next Time...

Only In Silence...

The statistics are OVERWHELMING...
MORE women than ever,
Are DYING from Breast Cancer.
(Especially WOMEN of COLOR!)

Succumbing to this disease!

WHY?

It is written...Hosea 4:6...

"MY people PERISH for LACK, of
KNOWLEDGE"...

It's true...

Even in the year of our Lord, 2012
SO MANY...

Are STILL unaware,
Uninformed...
Downright AFRIAD!

When it comes to what they feel,
they are ENTITLED to...

When DISEASE comes a' calling...
"Knocking" on YOUR door.

And, you have NO Health Insurance...
NO WAY to pay for Treatment!

I too...Didn't KNOW...
What MY options were...

The DIFFERENCE?
I ASKED questions!

I KNEW...
With ALL the resources,
Available...In THIS country...

There was a PROGRAM...
Somewhere...
That WOULD ...
SAME...MY ...LIFE!

And, I was DETERMINED...
I didn't STOP...

DON'T YOU!

UNTIL I found it...

I wasn't just FIGHTING...
For "MY LIFE"...
I was FIGHTING...For the "Right"...

To RECEIVE Treatment...
REGARDLESS...Of my CIRCUMSTANCES...

Last time I checked (Correct me if I'm wrong!)
I'm still...A Human being...Right?

So...
If you ask me...
Go Ahead...Ask!

What, it is...
I WANT you to take away from this blog,

KNOW...

That NO MATTER how...

DARK...OR LIGHT...

Your SKIN is...

How EMPTY...Your wallet may be...

Whether or not...

You GRADUATED from Elementary School...

High School...College.

You have a RIGHT to Treatment!

ONLY...IN... SILENCE...

Does cancer win!

ONLY... IN...SILENCE...

Is your VOICE not HEARD...

ONLY... IN...SILENCE...

Is your OUTCOME certain!

SILENCE=DEATH!

SO...SCREAM!!!

(If you have to!)

That'll get SOMEONE'S...ATTENTION!

PLEASE...REMEMBER!

SILENCE isn't GOLDEN!

It's...DEADLY!

ONLY...In...Silence...
Does Cancer Win!

SPEAK UP LOUDLY...

And, Often...

LET YOUR VOICE...

BE HEARD!

For Information...
Call The Illinois Dept. Of Public Health,
Womens Health Hotline...1(888) 522-1282

Leave a Message...They DO call back!
(That's how my Treatment Journey began!)

THE ILLINOIS BREAST&CERVICAL CANCER PROGRAM
IBCCP at Mercy Hospital...1 (312) 567-2000

SAVED MY LIFE!!!
And, I DIDN'T HAVE A DIME!

Until Next Time...

All Hail The Conqueror...

I was driving down I 290 this morning,
After finishing a LONG shift.

I looked up...

I don't KNOW why,
I hadn't seen it before...
I've driven this way home,
MORE times than I can remember.

And, what did I see?
A HUGE BILLBOARD...

It Read...

CANCER...DOESN'T FIGHT FAIR!

There were tears in my eyes, as I read those words...

Don't Worry!

Not those "heaving"...
"Snot" producing...
"Gut" wrenching...

"In the MIDST of it ALL"...

Sobs...

They were tears of...Rememberance
Of Triumph!

Cancer...Fair?
An oxymoron...If EVER I heard one!

You have to EXCUSE me...

I STILL get a little emotional...at times!
That word, "Cancer"...Is a LIFE changing event...

In a Families Story...

A friend told me this morning...
Another "sister" just received her diagnosis.

It's HEARTBREAKING...
Because I know...ALL too well,
What LIES ahead...For her.

Cancer...

Keeps starting battles,
Even "renewing" a few...
But, NEVER fear!
Christ is STILL winning the War!

ALL HAIL THE CONQUEROR...Jesus Christ!

Until Next Time...

2014...

You hear ALL this talk,
About the future...
What we will be eating...
Wearing...
Driving...
What we will be watching...Enough!

ALL I can think about the future...
Begins with the year 2014...

WHY?
You ask is that important...

Well...
In 2014,
I WILL be a 5 year Breast Cancer Survivor...

OKAY...
You say...What is the significance of 5 years?

Well,
I'll let you in on a secret...

If...(In my case,when!)
You go 5 years...and, the Cancer doesn't return.
You're considered "cured"!

So, like Prince did in 1999...
I'm gonna' "celebrate" like that in...2014!

Although, I'm not too sure...
I'll do it in all that glitter...
(ONLY Prince...can get away with that!)

As Cancer patients...
We Realize...
That EVERY day is...
A Miracle!

I KNOW this...
But...
In the "back" of every Cancer patients mind...

Will it return?
Will I get Cancer...Somewhere else?


That's why..."Hitting" that MAGIC number 5...
Will offer...Some...Relief!

Reaching that goal...
Is why we continue on.

Only two years left...
Until I reach....5 years!

Keep your fingers crossed,
Say a Prayer...
Petition God on my behalf.

I can USE them all!

Because...In 2014...
I WILL be "celebrating"...
Like it's 1999!
(That was a GOOD year!)

Until Next Time...

Wednesday Mornings...

Yes, I've been again...

It's the day AFTER my Tuesday visit,
With my Plastic Surgeon.

I have GOOD news...
And, BAD news...

Well, you already KNOW,
The one constant...
This CHEST discomfort!

I have SO much FLUID in the expanders...
I FEEL like a HOT AIR balloon.
If I DON'T keep my feet,

FIRMLY...

Planted on the ground...

It's...
Up, Up, and...Awaaaaay I'll go...

Now,
The BAD news...

I told you before,
I have 2 more Surgeries to go...
Well, now it's 3!

It seems my left side,
Where the Cancer originated...
Has decided NOW is the time to STOP,

Cooperating!
(It feels as if a revolt is brewing...)

So...
They have to "re-enforce" the skin,
That the Radiation Treatments,

BURNED/FRIED/BAKED/COOKED...

You, pick one!

It's that...
Or the "implants" will "erode",
Through the skin.
(Straight out of my Doctor's mouth!)

New Schedule...
Skin Repair...Then implants!

Now, I'm looking at breasts...
For Christmas.
Thank You, Santa!
(I've been a GOOD girl SO far this year...)

I have LEARNED to just take it all in stride!
ALL of it!

NO MORE hysterics!
(At least NOT today!)

But...
Pain...Discomfort...
Setbacks, aside.
Once it's ALL over...

I'll "really" feel...
Like a WOMAN again...

You CAN'T put a price tag on that!

Normalcy...Here I come!

Until Next Time...

Let Me Explain...

I was at the Wake,
Last week...
Of a Former Classmate.

You Know...
Where you run into "everyone" you knew,
From High School...(Mean girls included!)

Some of us...
Are not "exactly" the people they were,
In High School...

And, for some...That's a good thing,
For others...I'll let you draw your own conclusions...

I'm very "open" about my Breast Cancer.
No, I don't walk up, shake your hand...
And, say...Tonya Hackney...Breast Cancer Survivor.

But, I live in the SAME neighborhood I grew up in,
The truth is...People TALK!

So, alot of people have heard...
Many know it "ain't" idle gossip!

A classmate, while we were "catching" up,
Said to me,"I've NEVER known ANYONE fighting...
Something like that...Breast Cancer".

I thought about it...(I try to do that before speaking!)
And, the SAME would have been TRUE of me,
A few years ago...
Before...Breast Cancer became,
A part of...My Life!

I said, "I'm fine"...
That the "worst" is over.
I just do this "little" shot thing monthly.
Trying to minimize "his" discomfort.

I could sense that he didn't know...
Just, didn't know WHAT to say.

So, I said," Let me explain"...

I AM THE FACE OF BREAST CANCER...

It's not because I've been GOOD or BAD...

It's not because I DIDN'T take care of myself...

It's not because I didn't PRAY enough,

LOVE God enough...

It just...IS...

And...It can happen to...
ANYONE!

So, now that YOU know...

Use that KNOWLEDGE to...
Donate...
On my behalf...(Run, Walk, Sponsor!)

Give a PRAISE Report at your Church...
Since you now know someone affected by it...

And, that's CONQUERED IT!

Realize...It's CLOSER then you think...

But, be grateful...

IT'SNOTTHISCLOSE...

I heard an audible sigh...

Until Next Time...

Remembering...

I was watching TV last night,
And...One of those "cancer" commercials...
"Appeared"...

I'm STILL(almost 3 years later!)...
Affected by that word...

Cancer...

FEWER Doctor appointments...
NO more Emergency Room visits...Thank God!
(I was going to ask them for frequent "visitor" miles!)
Looking, and feeling as GREAT as I do.

You can forget...

Being a part of a group,
And, not the "focus" of that group
Because you're ill..."Are you okay"?

You can forget...

Out shopping with my daughter,
Going out to have lunch together.
Just ENJOYING the company...
Of friends...Loved ones...

You can forget...

Being back at work...
Paying Bills...
Just RESUMING the NORMAL Activities,
Of Daily Living...


You can forget...

So...
I was watching TV last night...
Then one of those "cancer" commercials,
"Appeared"
And...3 years later,

I STILL...

Can hear it...
The sound of the footsteps...
Coming into the Exam Room...

The Doctor saying,

"Ms. Hackney, YOU have BREAST CANCER"

Then it ALL went BLACK...

There are SOME things,
We can NEVER forget...
No matter how HARD you try...

I guess that's what motivates us to continue the "FIGHT"!

Until Next Time...

Life Is..."BEAUTIFUL"!

It's Funny...
When you are "slapped", in the face,
With your OWN mortality.

And,

Somehow,
You MAKE it through.

You feel " blessed",
Fortunate...
To come out on the other side.
(Many don't!)

You realize...

Life Is..."BEAUTIFUL"!

ALL the sights, and sounds of it,
Are like a brillant, "concerto".

The movements...The lyrics,
Composed just for...Me!

Things you take for GRANTED,

Like...

The intricacy of a flower,
The rising, and setting of the sun.
Became for me...

As impressive, as any painting by the Masters.

Mona Lisa...You're on notice!

Just to be ALLOWED...
To WAKE each day.

Calls for a "CELEBRATION"!

Life Is..."BEAUTIFUL"!

I'm...EXUBERANT!
I'm...ECSTATIC!

Being ALIVE is such a treat!

At least from this side of the Aisle...

Until Next Time...

God's Canvas...

Since becoming Cancer Free,
I feel like a blank canvas...
You know...
That moment,
Right before...An Artist decides,
Just what to create on it...

When there are THOUSANDS of ideas,
In his head...

He closes his eyes...
Listens to that "inner" voice,
That will give him insight,
An idea...A hint,
Of what...
That piece will eventually,
Become.

My Artist...Jesus.

He has restored my health,
I've been given,
Life! (His Grace, and Mercy...)

I am...His...
Blank canvas.

Father...
Create  in me,
What you will...

With each "stroke" of His brush,
My healing takes place,
Mind... Body...
Heart...And, Soul.

Each color He paints...

Pink, For my Breast Cancer Survivorship.

Purple, Because I AM the offspring...
Of a King!

Blue, and White..
For the skies... I revel in...
Every morning...I wake.
AFTER...Breast Cancer!

My Purpose,
The "Masterpiece" ...
He is creating within me,
Comes into, "sharper" view,
With EVERY brush stroke...He takes.

There are NO limits...

To what...He CAN do!

"For I know the plans I have for you..."

I wait patiently,
To see His finished canvas...

"To give you a FUTURE, and HOPE"...

Until Next Time...

My Hope...

I'm sure I've mentioned it before...
But, each month,
I receive, an injection of a drug called Zolvadex.
It helps with the specific type of Breast Cancer,
I was diagnosed with.
Yes! There are types!
I was HER 2 Positive,
I have friends...
Who were Triple Negative,
ER Positive...You get the picture!

This Cancer "stuff",
Is like learning a WHOLE new language.

So,
I was in OIS,(Outpatient Infusion Services) Wednesday,
(Another "teachable" moment...)
I receive my injection, where I was given Chemotherapy.

The Nurses know I LOVE to talk.
(I have the GIFT of "gab"-no less!)
And, they wanted me to meet,
Two "new" Breast Cancer patients,
That had JUST begun Chemotherapy,
THAT DAY.

I remembered...
My very FIRST time...

My sister, Stephanie "ALWAYS" accompanied me,
To MY treatments.

I thought back...
How I "BOLDLY" took the elevator to the 10th floor.
And, "stepped" into the UNKNOWN...
It was February 25th...2010.
You will NEVER forget that FIRST time...

Full of "Hope"...I wanted to live!
Full of "Fear"...Because it wouldn't be easy!

I did...And, it wasn't!

What I wanted them BOTH to KNOW...
You WILL OVERCOME this disease!

It's funny...
One of them said,"You look good. You smell good".
I laughed...I said, "Girl...This IS what Cancer looks like AFTER".
You make it through...

Then I realized...
She thought...She didn't know...
WHAT Cancer "looked" like "AFTER"
She didn't KNOW,
What would remain...

An, OMG! Moment for me...

1 in 8 Women,
Get diagnosed with this disease.
So, it's VERY likely,
That in YOUR lifetime...
You WILL know,
SOMEONE affected by Breast Cancer.

My Hope...To put an END to this disease...

To "borrow" a line from Dr. King...

"I Have A Dream"...
That "ONE DAY" we WILL live,
In a world "FREE"...of Breast Cancer.
This is "MY" Hope.

I've been to the Mountaintop...
I've seen the Promised Land...
I may not go there with you...

Until Next Time...

Because You're Worth It...

Wednesday Morning...
The day after my visit to the Plastic Surgeon.
Sleep, escapes me the night my breasts are expanded
EVERY way I turn at night,
It feels as if I'm laying on a melon!
Oh, Yes...
These breasts are ready...To..." POP"!

For those of you...Who haven't,
Who don't understand...
Let me provide some CLARITY....

When the Doctor added fluid to my expanders yesterday,
I heard that fluid say, "It's CROWDED in here"...
(Yes, I heard it!)

So...
Not ONLY does it occupy my breasts, but it spreads...
ABOVE...AROUND, And, UNDER my armpits.
I feel like a football player,
Suited up for the "Big" game...
HIKE...hike...hike!

No, pity Ladies...(Well a "little" wouldn't hurt!)
I wanted my breasts back!
I just didn't realize...
Reconstruction, required SO MUCH construction!

On the Bright Side...
I've expanded enough, and I have cleavage!
Hell, I didn't have cleavage before.
"Everythings coming up Roses"! (Sing along with me!)

As I sip my morning coffee,
And, as I watch a little TV...

Shortness of breath aside...(My breasts are sooo tight!)
I'm on my way...

I'll have a brand new pair...By summer.
When you see them, (Yes, they WILL be on FULL display!)

Maybe you'll wonder if ALL this was worth it...
My Answer...
A resounding...YES!
Why?
Because I'm WORTH it! (We all are, Ladies!)

Until Next Time...

TIME...

When you are diagnosed with Breast Cancer,
TIME...Comes into sharper view...
"I didn't do", " I didn't say",
"I haven't seen"...

Faced with this diagnosis,
You REALIZE all that you haven't,
Made the "time" to do.

As humans,
We know we have ONLY so much of it,
Allotted on this Earth.
Yet, we "rush" through Life
As, if we're guaranteed immortality.
Just not thinking...

But, when you're diagnosed...
Time, suddenly means EVERYTHING!

I prayed...

Father, "LET me LIVE to see my daughter marry"
"Let me LIVE to one day, see my grandchildren"
"Let me LIVE ...My daughter gets her degree next Spring".
"I'm  not READY to LEAVE my Family".

You realize...
That "pretense" of control-Was just that!

So, I, "Put on the whole armor of God"...
Then I BRACED myself for the FIGHT!

Round 1...Surgery, Round 2...Chemotherapy,
Round 3...Radiation,
The Winner, by a "knockout" of Cancer...
The Breast Cancer Diva, herself!

Two Years Later...
I was so "proud", as my daughter received her degree.
I'm PRESENT...For my Family.
I VALUE time spent with friends...
I've LEARNED to work "just" enough.

My Lesson to You...
Don't let it take Breast Cancer,
Or some "horrific" incident,
For you to realize...
You should LIVE...

Now, I "DO", I "SAY"...
No, Regrets...
Because "time" is such a valuable commodity,
I don't waste a minute of it...

My beautiful daughter...Lord, (I'm STILL waiting!)
Let, me LIVE to see her marry.
I'm holding out for a Prince-No Less!(A mother can dream,right?)
Keep your fingers "crossed" for me...

Until Next Time...