Since being diagnosed with Breast Cancer in 2009, there have been a "myriad" of emotions I've had to come to terms with. The initial "shock" of it all for one. To this day, when I look at myself, it STILL seems as if all that I've been through happened to someone else. There's the Tonya, I knew BEFORE Breast Cancer...And, there's the Tonya that's remains, AFTER Breast Cancer...
While I was going "through" EVERYONE always tried to keep me encouraged. They'd say things like, " One day, this will ALL just be a memory"..." You're going to look back at this experience, and have an awesome TESTIMONY"!...Or, " This TOO shall PASS"...Just to name a few...ALL very encouraging...Pearls of Wisdom even. But, at the time I just COULDN'T internalize what they were saying....It was hard (For me, nearly impossible) to think that FAR ahead...There was so much "before" me everyday. My mind could ONLY grasp...The Next Step..." Tomorrow I have to..."
I felt SO bad, for SO long. I was depressed, and cried more during my treatment, then I had my entire 49 years! And, for me...That's saying something...Because being the emotional creature that I am-I could "cry" just watching the sunset...
I HAD to talk myself out of the bed, to get dressed-ANY task caused an internal debate to erupt. I thought on most days...WHY? Should I EVEN bother...
Then ONE DAY, it just happened...I'm sure it was more gradual than that...But, ONE DAY, I woke up...I was "HAPPY"...The worst was over...The tears had dried...I was able to look FORWARD with anticipation...How, you say? I wish I could tell you! But, ONE DAY, I woke up...It ALL seemed so CLEAR...I had gotten to "HAPPY"...And, I've been taking that route since...They were right..." This too shall pass"...Until Next Time...
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